I believe that if you want to have a successful marriage it would be best to thoroughly discuss (and ideally come to agreement on) 4 topics.
Money: Spending vs. savings, goals, debt, etc.
Kids: If and how many, philosophy of raising them, for steps how that dynamic will be handled
Religion: Which and how important it is to each
In-laws: How close will you live to them and how involved will they be in day-to-day life - especially if there's kids.
Add politics. The beginings of decent between my mom and dad were his guns and politics.
I'm of the opinion that I want to be with someone for at least three or four years before marriage gets brought to the table, and then, the moment we agree thats what we want, its on and legality is just the red tape/makes it official, and the wedding is just a nice party to celebrate.
I thought "talking things through" was the big advantage that arranged marriages were supposed to have. The family takes various factors into account, and decides on a compatible mate. Right? (Notwithstanding that some arranged marriages are business deals or diplomatic arrangements.)
Yep. Just because the bride and groom wern't involved, doesn't mean a matched based on them wasn't made. A lot of cultures with such practices have 'matchmakers', usually an older female in the community who interveiws multiple people and then matches bases on the induvidual and family requirments.
Which, considering the ages of those getting married in many cultues, is not exactly a bad idea.
In terms of arranged marriges like mail order brides, the couples do usually comunicate first.
Other then that, there was the use of marrige as a political or money thing (speaking of european nobilty and gentry historically), which, back in the day, were arranged by parents.... And those have a reputation as being... Unhappy or distant at best. But devoirce in those days and circles was rare and adultery was rampent.
