Author Topic: My first time at a wedding like this  (Read 9575 times)

Viking

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #25 on: April 17, 2011, 03:24:47 PM »
If they play Olivia Newton-John singing "I Honestly Love You" --> 14 months max  =D


I think we spent about $300 including rings.  Most of her family has allergies, so she and I cut up veggies and made dips ourselves.  Five days lead time so we didn't bother trying to get help on short notice.  She wore a nice dress that she already had (sewed herself).  My mom paid for a couple nights in a little mountain cabin.

Will be 30 years this coming November...   =)
Unpossible. How can a marriage last for so long unless it's started by a wedding that costs the equivalent of the defense budget for a medium sized African country? ???
/jk, congrats to you both =).
“The modern world will not be punished. It is the punishment.” — Nicolás Gómez Dávila

Monkeyleg

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #26 on: April 17, 2011, 03:49:51 PM »
In my youth, the song that was a marriage killer was Tina Turner's version of "Proud Mary".

The other killer was the diamond. Every bride we know who got a ring larger than 1 carat is divorced.

cassandra and sara's daddy

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #27 on: April 17, 2011, 04:35:23 PM »
the level of clueless amongst folks planning on getting married is strong

i got married to wife 2.1 in the catholic church, they make you take classes that turned out to be surprisingly good
  in one class he had us line up back to back with our future spouses so we could not see them .  he then asked how many of you are gonna have kids?  raise your hands.  outa 17 couples only 3 had matching answers.  now bearing in mind the spawning urge is a pretty big deal one woulda hoped folks about to "till death do us part" mighta discussed it before planning a wedding. but apparently not.
It is much more powerful to seek Truth for one's self.  Seeing and hearing that others seem to have found it can be a motivation.  With me, I was drawn because of much error and bad judgment on my part. Confronting one's own errors and bad judgment is a very life altering situation.  Confronting the errors and bad judgment of others is usually hypocrisy.


by someone older and wiser than I

Viking

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #28 on: April 17, 2011, 04:37:56 PM »
Talking things through before you get married? Such a novel concept, think it could ever catch on?
“The modern world will not be punished. It is the punishment.” — Nicolás Gómez Dávila

drewtam

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #29 on: April 17, 2011, 04:47:51 PM »
Talking things through before you get married? Such a novel concept, think it could ever catch on?

Why?
It was never really needed for arranged marriages, and those worked out pretty well.

What I'm trying to get at: there are other issues related to America's marriage collapse besides the "compatibility" smokescreen. I'm not against these life compatibility questions, but I think it gets too much attention compared to other factors.
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Northwoods

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #30 on: April 17, 2011, 05:04:22 PM »
I believe that if you want to have a successful marriage it would be best to thoroughly discuss (and ideally come to agreement on) 4 topics. 

Money: Spending vs. savings, goals, debt, etc.
Kids: If and how many, philosophy of raising them, for steps how that dynamic will be handled
Religion: Which and how important it is to each
In-laws: How close will you live to them and how involved will they be in day-to-day life - especially if there's kids.
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cassandra and sara's daddy

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #31 on: April 17, 2011, 05:21:25 PM »
well said  and well prioritized

sadly its often neglected
It is much more powerful to seek Truth for one's self.  Seeing and hearing that others seem to have found it can be a motivation.  With me, I was drawn because of much error and bad judgment on my part. Confronting one's own errors and bad judgment is a very life altering situation.  Confronting the errors and bad judgment of others is usually hypocrisy.


by someone older and wiser than I

Northwoods

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #32 on: April 17, 2011, 05:33:05 PM »
Money fights and money problems are the genesis of more divorces than any other cause.  Lots of adultry and other issues that are the outer symptom of the marriage breaking apart start as money problems.  One spouse feels oppressed, or not appreciated, or nagged, or whatever over their spending habits or desire to reduce spending and save something.  Then they lash out through abuse, cheating, etc that finally ends with a divorce filing.

The money issues cut across all religious lines, and economic lines.  Get that one topic covered and be in general agreement and you chance winding up in divorce lawyer offices goes way down.

The others are important too.  Get them all figured out ahead of time and you're pretty likely to be sitting around someday receiving congratulations over your 40th anniversary and still be happy with your choice in spouse.  Some will get there in spite of never figureing out those issues to mutual satisfaction, but the odds are a lot lower.
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Fitz

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #33 on: April 17, 2011, 05:35:44 PM »
I agree that money related issues do it most of the time.

Luckily, we have a relatively minor amount of debt. We make decent scratch. We squirrel away around 4 percent of our income into retirement, and about 100 a month (for now) into Brooke's college fund.

Actually, we have zero credit card debt NOW... but we need appliances in our new place and a fence., so we anticipate that going up a bit.

For a long time I didn't want her involved in the finances. I had trouble relinquishing control.

Now, she has all access passes. Time will tell if that was a good idea ;-)
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Tallpine

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #34 on: April 17, 2011, 05:43:14 PM »
Quote
big Lopez fan are you?

Nope, just an old VHS that the wife picked up somewhere.  :(

It did have horses in it, though :)
Freedom is a heavy load, a great and strange burden for the spirit to undertake. It is not easy. It is not a gift given, but a choice made, and the choice may be a hard one. The road goes upward toward the light; but the laden traveller may never reach the end of it.  - Ursula Le Guin

Perd Hapley

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #35 on: April 17, 2011, 05:59:28 PM »
Why?
It was never really needed for arranged marriages, and those worked out pretty well.

I thought "talking things through" was the big advantage that arranged marriages were supposed to have. The family takes various factors into account, and decides on a compatible mate. Right? (Notwithstanding that some arranged marriages are business deals or diplomatic arrangements.)
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BlueStarLizzard

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #36 on: April 17, 2011, 08:18:41 PM »
I believe that if you want to have a successful marriage it would be best to thoroughly discuss (and ideally come to agreement on) 4 topics. 

Money: Spending vs. savings, goals, debt, etc.
Kids: If and how many, philosophy of raising them, for steps how that dynamic will be handled
Religion: Which and how important it is to each
In-laws: How close will you live to them and how involved will they be in day-to-day life - especially if there's kids.

Add politics. The beginings of decent between my mom and dad were his guns and politics.

I'm of the opinion that I want to be with someone for at least three or four years before marriage gets brought to the table, and then, the moment we agree thats what we want, its on and legality is just the red tape/makes it official, and the wedding is just a nice party to celebrate.


I thought "talking things through" was the big advantage that arranged marriages were supposed to have. The family takes various factors into account, and decides on a compatible mate. Right? (Notwithstanding that some arranged marriages are business deals or diplomatic arrangements.)

Yep. Just because the bride and groom wern't involved, doesn't mean a matched based on them wasn't made. A lot of cultures with such practices have 'matchmakers', usually an older female in the community who interveiws multiple people and then matches bases on the induvidual and family requirments.
Which, considering the ages of those getting married in many cultues, is not exactly a bad idea.

In terms of arranged marriges like mail order brides, the couples do usually comunicate first.
Other then that, there was the use of marrige as a political or money thing (speaking of european nobilty and gentry historically), which, back in the day, were arranged by parents.... And those have a reputation as being... Unhappy or distant at best. But devoirce in those days and circles was rare and adultery was rampent.
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Northwoods

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #37 on: April 17, 2011, 08:47:39 PM »
Generally if you're in agreement on those 4 topics politics is a minor/non-issue as people that can come to agreement on those areas will probably be compatible on politics.  Not always, but more often than not.
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230RN

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #38 on: April 18, 2011, 11:24:58 AM »
Deleted. Didn't realize there was a page two already and posted too late for the post to be relevant.

« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 11:33:31 AM by 230RN »

Tallpine

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #39 on: April 18, 2011, 12:29:38 PM »
Deleted. Didn't realize there was a page two already and posted too late for the post to be relevant.



Is there some kind of new rule that posts have to be relevant  ???      :O
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roo_ster

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #40 on: April 18, 2011, 01:05:14 PM »
Me and my wife eloped, went down to Galveston, and hopped onto a cruise ship.

2.5 years later, still goin strong

I will strongly suggest this to my kids when the time comes and they find the right spouse-to-be.  Daddy McMoneybags will then be happy to put 20% down on a house for them or some such expenditure that costs the same as a wedding.
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roo_ster

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cambeul41

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #41 on: April 18, 2011, 02:47:51 PM »
Within the past hour, I received the photos of my wife's sister's recent first wedding.

My guess is that they are going to make a success of it. It is the first marriage for both of them. He is 54 and she is 48. The have both been well-employed for years. They have been to Japan to get family approval. My wife has been to California to check him out. They have talked out everything under the sun.  They have done this with all due deliberation.

The wedding?  In HOLLYWOOD!  The whole nine yards: blue jeans, court house, Justice of the Peace, photos taken by a colleague, comped tickets to The Magic Castle from another. I am sure their day was the best it could be -- and there are no bills to pay off. They see their marriage ceremony as only a starting point for living the rest of their lives together, not as an event which could eclipse reality.
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Hamilton Felix

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #42 on: April 18, 2011, 02:59:34 PM »
Kathleen and I are getting married next month.  We've both done the big church wedding and reception in the past (and you CAN do it for cheap if you and friends do all of the work).  I've also done the "5 people in JP's chambers."  So we're going small.  Small church, no fancy white gown, no rented tux.  Maybe 40 people if everyone comes.  But the whole idea is fun, not formality.  We'll make up our own vows, which are sure to include "tease, love, laugh, tickle, enjoy..."  What's not to love about a woman who, when you take her to buy a dress for the wedding, puts it on, turns sideways and asks "does my holster show?"   :laugh:

I've seen the big fancy outdoor thing, rented carriage, whole pig roasting, etc., ad nauseam.  The friend who put on the one I'm thinking of now, offered his daughter $10K cash to elope, but she turned him down.  And Mom-in-Law got the bit competely in her teeth. 

What counts isn't how you party when you marry, but how you Live and Love afterward... 
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cassandra and sara's daddy

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #43 on: April 18, 2011, 03:14:31 PM »
I will strongly suggest this to my kids when the time comes and they find the right spouse-to-be.  Daddy McMoneybags will then be happy to put 20% down on a house for them or some such expenditure that costs the same as a wedding.


wise
It is much more powerful to seek Truth for one's self.  Seeing and hearing that others seem to have found it can be a motivation.  With me, I was drawn because of much error and bad judgment on my part. Confronting one's own errors and bad judgment is a very life altering situation.  Confronting the errors and bad judgment of others is usually hypocrisy.


by someone older and wiser than I

Declaration Day

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #44 on: April 18, 2011, 03:23:38 PM »
I've been to a couple of weddings like Monkeyleg described.

The best wedding I ever attended was for my best friend.  We all flew out to Vegas and he got married at Caesar's Palace.  Ceremony was very fast, reception was awesome.  When it was all over, we were still in Vegas for two more days.  I think he spent $4K on that wedding.

The worst wedding ever, in hindsight, was mine.  I've been happily single for nearly a year now  :lol:

Declaration Day

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #45 on: April 18, 2011, 03:36:02 PM »
Generally if you're in agreement on those 4 topics politics is a minor/non-issue as people that can come to agreement on those areas will probably be compatible on politics.  Not always, but more often than not.

My dad is a far-right conservative Christian, and my stepmom is a far-left liberal Jew.  They've been married for 8 years and going strong.  When they discuss politics, they almost always disagree, but they do so lightheartedly.

lupinus

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #46 on: April 18, 2011, 04:45:14 PM »
Children should be raised to understand that the ceremony is far far less important than the marriage.
My Pastors standard reply when someone (especially out of the blue) asks if he does weddings is "nope, but I do marriages" It's a very often overlooked distinction.

My wedding had about 80 people, small wedding party all paying for dresses and tuxes themselves, Ebay sweatshop special Chinese dress, and the reception was BBQ in the church basement. Honeymoon was a week in Gatlinburg TN. Total cost was under 5k and I still contend that my MIL went crazy. Before she got ahold of it it would have been around 1k.

I've been to weddings like the one described, several hundred thou EASILY. Heck the wedding dress alone probably cost more than my wedding and honeymoon combined. The port-a-trailer probably cost more than my wedding.

Quote
i got married to wife 2.1 in the catholic church, they make you take classes that turned out to be surprisingly good
Required in most Lutheran churches as well. Ours were defiantly helpful, and very practical.
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cassandra and sara's daddy

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #47 on: April 18, 2011, 08:13:30 PM »
it was a pleasant surprise for me. i was the only one in class that was formerly married.
It is much more powerful to seek Truth for one's self.  Seeing and hearing that others seem to have found it can be a motivation.  With me, I was drawn because of much error and bad judgment on my part. Confronting one's own errors and bad judgment is a very life altering situation.  Confronting the errors and bad judgment of others is usually hypocrisy.


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230RN

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #48 on: April 21, 2011, 07:56:09 AM »
Hamilton Felix:

Quote
What's not to love about a woman who, when you take her to buy a dress for the wedding, puts it on, turns sideways and asks "does my holster show?" 

LLH !



Monkeyleg

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #49 on: April 21, 2011, 10:10:44 AM »
Since 230RN replied today, I guess the thread is open for today. ;)

A little follow-up. I was talking to our neighbors, the bride's parents. The bride and groom are due back from St. Thomas, and the parents are going to make them truck all the gifts stacked up in the house back to the kids' place in Birmingham.

Just for fun, I asked the father if the kids had gotten a house yet. He said that the groom's grandfather bought him a house while he was still in law school, so they'll be moving into the groom's house right off the bat. The father alluded to the groom's family being very wealthy, and left it at that.

If a grandfather bought a house for the groom, I suppose a $50K-$100K wedding isn't that much for the parents to pay for.