Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, surrounded by azzholes.
I am not fat, just easy to see.
People think that I am quite because I am very shy, but I hav been silently judging them from afar, and I have determined that they are *expletive deleted*ing retards.
Life is about kicking *expletive deleted*ss, not kissing *expletive deleted*ss,
I may be a bitch, but at least I am honest.
Late the other evening I observes 2 guys breaking into my shed.
The police advised me that they were too busy to send a car.
I called them back and advised that I had shot both of them.
Within minutes, a dozen cops showed up, and arrested the burglars.
One of the cops questioned "I thought that you had shot them"
I replied "I thought that you guys said there was nobody available.
A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Ahmed replied, "*expletive deleted*it, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
