Author Topic: Hokey Humor  (Read 587 times)

Jamie B

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Hokey Humor
« on: March 25, 2012, 02:56:22 PM »
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, surrounded by azzholes.

I am not fat, just easy to see.

People think that I am quite because I am very shy, but I hav been silently judging them from afar, and I have determined that they are *expletive deleted*ing retards.

Life is about kicking *expletive deleted*ss, not kissing *expletive deleted*ss,

I may be a bitch, but at least I am honest.

Late the other evening I observes 2 guys breaking into my shed.
The police advised me that they were too busy to send a car.
I called them back and advised that I had shot both of them.
Within minutes, a dozen cops showed up, and arrested the burglars.
One of the cops questioned "I thought that you had shot them"
I replied "I thought that you guys said there was nobody available.

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Ahmed replied, "*expletive deleted*it, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
 
Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength - Henry Ward Beecher

The Almighty tells me He can get me out of this mess, but He’s pretty sure you’re f**ked! - Stephen

White Horseradish

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Re: Hokey Humor
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2012, 07:10:18 PM »
I was expecting sticks and pucks...

Not my best spelling day, I guess.
Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire.

Robert A Heinlein

vaskidmark

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Re: Hokey Humor
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2012, 04:27:36 AM »
At Virginia Tech (Home of the Hokies*) most of the class would also have misheard the prof's question, and most of the class would have raised their hands.

stay safe.


* Just what is a "hokie" anyhow?  Some Va Tech folks really want you to believe that it has something to do with castrated turkeys.  UVA fans are sure it does, and ask why else would Tech name their football team "The Gobblers" and the fans "Hokies"?
If cowardly and dishonorable men sometimes shoot unarmed men with army pistols or guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary and gallows, and not by a general deprivation of a constitutional privilege.

Hey you kids!! Get off my lawn!!!

They keep making this eternal vigilance thing harder and harder.  Protecting the 2nd amendment is like playing PACMAN - there's no pause button so you can go to the bathroom.