Anyone taking anti depressants? Or dealing with depression?

[Quintin]

Recently, I've sat back and looked at my position in life, and realized that I'm not satisified with it at all.  I'm asking myself a lot more every morning, "Why bother?"  I wake up, go to work, come home, sleep (somewhat poorly), lather, rinse, repeat.  I'm 23 years old and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile in life.  My finances aren't in too good a shape, I don't really like my job, but I don't want to quit my job for fear of starting over.  Don't really have an education outside of a few years of tech school and what I learned on the job, which doesn't really reinforce my self worth any.  I really like (most of) the people I work with, one of the bright things during my day, and I don't want to have to start from scratch at a new job again.  But financially and morally, what I do just isn't satisfying anymore.

I think I'm gonna find a councilor or doctor or something to talk to, but I don't know what to say or do.  My life is a story of contradictions, I work 50+ hours a week and don't have anything to show for it, still living with my parents.  I've gone to school for four years for my trade, but I'm still in the low, low average salary bracket for my profession.  Living at home means I don't have any bills like a mortrage, utilities, property taxes, etc. to worry about, but I'm still living check to check, with poorly managed finances between credit cards, an auto loan, and tool bills.  I feel like I'm being pulled in about 50 different directions and I haven't been ripped apart yet.  A friend of a friend made the suggestion that I should see someone, and that I might want to look into some anti depressants, but I've always thought those were for people waaaayyyy further out there than I am.  I took an online test at Prozac.com, the Zing test or something, and I scored a 51; they say anything 50 or over should be reviewed with a specialist.  Then there are the really dark times, where I'm contemplating what would it be like if I were dead.  Fortunately, the "life of contradictions" intervenes, since if I were, that'd just put all my burdens onto my parents and friends, which would make me feel even worse, they don't deserve that.  I've made my bed, and I'll dig myself out of it somehow.

I guess this is just me venting before I go see a doctor.  All my close friends moved on with their lives after we graduated from high school, and the guys I work with, even though they're good friends and all, I can't really consider them as friends in the same regard that I would my childhood friends who I grew up with.

[Phantom Warrior]

I was in a spot like that right after I graduate high school.  I was dealing with some stuff and decided to take a year off before college.  That didn't work out and I ended up starting school in January.  But at the time I really felt exactly like you feel now.

So, here's the good news (and I really don't have any bad news).  This will pass.  I pretty much felt like my life was over back then.  There are still things I'm not entirely satisfied with, but I enjoy my life now.  I'm happy to get up and go through each day.  The trick is to just keep going.  Here are a few thoughts:

1.  Find someone to confide in.  I thought about drugs, but never ended up doing it.  The thing that turned the corner for me was my parents.  I have wonderful, loving Christian parents.  And they continued to support me through all this, despite being at their wits end for what to do with me.  Knowing that they loved me, even when I couldn't love myself, got me going on the right track.  If you have a good relationship with your parents, they might be a good place to start.  If not, a pastor or some other mentor.

2.  Think about getting further education.  I've always been fairly academic, so continuing on to college was a pretty natural choice for me.  College might not be the immediate right choice, if you have other issues to work through.  But in the long term further education will help you with getting a job that you enjoy and can support yourself on.

3.  Think about the military.  I'm joining up now, with two Bacholor's degrees and AFTER paying for four years of school.  If you are in a tough spot financially it can be a huge help.  Decent pay, room and board, and the GI Bill to help with school, if you decide on number 2.  Enlistment bonuses might help clean up your financial situation.  I know they are offering a lot right now, esp for people willing to ship within a month or two (rather than 9 months like me).  Four years with the military would go by pretty quickly.  My four years of college went by like a flash.  This is a pretty personal choice though, so you'll have to think about it.  

4.  Talk to God.  I'm not sure if you are Christian or not, but even though my parents got me going, I credit God with keeping me going.  I don't have it all worked out yet.  I'm still an imperfect human being and I still struggle.  But knowing that God is watching out for me and loves me where I'm at helps a lot.  Here's a few lines from a song that has been an encouragement to me:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

("In Christ Alone" covered by the Newsboys)


Hope these thoughts are helpful.  PM me if you'd like to talk about the military or anything else.

[Monkeyleg]

Quintin, there are a lot of reasons why people suffer depression, ranging from the loss of a loved one to immediate circumstances to genetic causes.

Depression runs in my family, and I've been dealing with it pretty much all my life.

First order of business is to see a good psychiatrist. A few people will say they're quacks, but a good one is essential, IMO. Going through the whole "what was my family life like when I was five years old" routine I consider a waste of time. Too much navel-gazing. But a good shrink can help you pinpoint the causes of your depression. And there are any number of medications that can help. I was on some years ago, then weaned myself off as I learned to deal with anxiety/depression through exercises my shrink taught me.

You're much too young to be feeling this down. Your life doesn't sound all that bad, even if you perceive it to be.

Depression can control you, or you can control it. The longer you wait, the more you're going to wish later on that you hadn't waited to take action. Don't waste such a valuable period in your life.

[Azrael256]

In my thorougly uneducated medical opinion, I don't think you're really clinically depressed.  It sounds to me like you're having a rough time, and are dissatisfied with the way your life is going.

You're right about drugs.  Pills are for people who are MUCH more depressed than you.  You need a little bit of help keeping everything on track.  A professional might be able to lend you some personal guidance, and you might find somebody who can help you make career plans that will improve your standing.  Anti-depressants should only be considered as a last resort.

[jefnvk]

I fel the same way often.  To me, its not depression.  I've known some people with actual depression, and it isn't even close for me.  To me, I've just kinda got stuck on this why are we here question.  I'm stuck in stupid classes.  Alot of idiots around me.  I guess I am just not in an ideal world, but I deal with it.

[Quintin]

Well see, that's the part that confuses me.  I've been told that "depression" is all relative, there's people who are way out there and take medications to give them breathing room, then there are folks that just need to get some things off their chests.  Depending on the day, I don't really know what to do.  I know that one of the big centers of what I'm feeling right now is my job, or more importantly my employer, since I'm in that boat where I felt like I've given a lot but I haven't received any in return.  Before my current job, the longest I held a job was just under a year, I've been with this one for about four years, and I get stupidly sentimentally attached easily.  So while I'm well aware that my employer and possibly my career choice is hurting me, it's that doubt in the background that I could get my act together and find another job in the same field or change careers altogether, the latter of which is what I really want to do.  I've got some vacation time coming up that I'm gonna use to try and sort things out.

[telewinz]

See PM

[brimic]

I thought about the same thing a few days ago. I'm nearly at the peak of my career, farther along than I ever expected to be, I have a good family, but I feel unsatisfied and let down. The last few months I pretty much eat, sleeep, work, and feel pretty apathetic about everything. I'm in a rut. I think it might just be the time of the year- too cold to spend much time in the sun, and the warmer days tend to be dreary.  About the only thing that picks up my mood for a couple days is if I go to the shooting range and balst away for a couple of hours- works better than drugs, and is cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist.

[Lee]

Hang in there, things change.  I was in the same boat twenty years ago, then I met my wife.  From time to time, I still feel I'm in a rut ...but I stay too busy to let it get to me.
Get some counseling.  You might just need an objective opinion to help identfy the problem and to get you on a different path.  Have you heard of Anthony Robbins?  I like his philosophy of spending 90% of your energy on SOLVING problems, and never more than 10% worrying about them. Set a goal to change the parts of your life you don't like- and bust your tail to get there.  That goal is forever changing.

[Ron]

I don't mean this to be flippant or to down play how you feel. It sounds like you are re-assessing your life to this point and you aren't pleased.

While I cannot help you make your decisions there is one thing that always lifts my spirit and makes me feel better regardless of what is going on.

Working out,  lifting weights and cardio.

It makes me feel better physically and it relieves stress for me.  It also boosts your self confidence and self image.

When I am working out regulary I find that I am more aggressive  in attacking other areas in my life that are dragging me down.

Working out raises testosterone and endorphin levels.  You may get a natural boost in attitude from focusing on your health (diet,working out etc..)

Also avoid depressants like alcohol and pot,  this is when they become crutches instead of "fun".

Soldier on, life isn't fun or fair for most of humanity.  We here in the states have freedom and opportunity alot of the world can only dream of.  

I suffer from ennui myself regulary and that sounds like what you are experiencing.

Spending time helping others (friends, family, charities, churches...) also helps to put your own problems in perspective.

Good luck and keep posting!  Let us know how you are doing!

[Taurus]

Whenever I'm depressed, I immediately turn to the "chemical imbalance" approach. The long winter season gives me SAD - not enough sunlight, low Vitamin D, and being cooped up in a house (or some other structure beit my place of work, friend's house, grocery store, department store, etc ... I'm always inside). Nutritional balance and proper hydration are other important factors in maintaining a healthy psychological outlook on things. I stick to a medium carb, high vitamin and protein enriched diet with plenty of water (or grape juice) along with aerobic exercise at least 3 times a week.

Alcohol is absolutely taboo during such times! If a problem still persists along with proper nutrition, hydration, and exercise, see your doctor. (S)he may likely direct you towards counselling. Consider anti-depressants ONLY as a last resort, since the dependency on these is habit forming.

[Antibubba]

Quintin,

It sounds like you've got a few things going on, both chemical and situational.  Go see a good psychiatrist.  Not all antidepressants work the same way on all people, or even the same person at all times, so don't get upset if the first medication doesn't work-there are others.  But make sure you see a therapist in conjunction, because part of recovering from depression is unlearning what has put you in a rut, and learning new approaches.  Tharapy is good for that.

FWIW, it sounds like you're dysthymic, which is a long-term, low-level depression.  Very treatable.

PM me here or on THR if you want more info, or to talk.

[spacemanspiff]

i'd suggest seeing a medical doctor before going to a counselor. it could be a simple chemical imbalance, that a prescription can take care of. it could be you need to change your diet or exercise more.

but in any case, i think everyone has had the exact same feelings you are having at some point. i doubt any one of us has been as happy or successful as we expected we'd be. i know i thought i'd be financially secure and married by age 25. i thought i'd have some high-faluting job that'd impress people.

who knew i'd wind up being a paper-pusher with no social life?

[Unisaw]

I'm not a physician and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but mild depression runs in my family.  See your general practioner first -- there could be other things going on.  Be aware that it may be more difficult for you to obtain disability insurance if a diagnosis of depression is recorded in your health records.

[kfranz]

Start listening to Dave Ramsey, and follow his advice for your financial situation.   If you find your work morally unsatisfying it's time to move on, regardless of how you feel about the people you work with.  The others have good suggestions about the exercise aspect.

[Monkeyleg]

Unisaw, thanks for bringing that up. I had problems getting health insurance after filing claims for a shrink in the 1980's. Learned my lesson and paid cash after that.

Feeling down once in awhile, or when things aren't going right, is one thing. Severe depression is quite another. Quintin, since you mentioned thoughts of death, I figured you might want to get a more professional opinion than you can get in an online forum. Think of it as preventative maintenance for your car.

[spacemanspiff]

Then there are the really dark times, where I'm contemplating what would it be like if I were dead.  Fortunately, the "life of contradictions" intervenes, since if I were, that'd just put all my burdens onto my parents and friends, which would make me feel even worse, they don't deserve that.

i dont mean to make light of this, but i am reminded of an early episode of Futurama, where Fry thinks hes going into a phone booth, and its actually a suicide booth. its when he meets Bender for the first time and bender jumps in the booth with him so he wouldnt have to pay for his suicide. a voice asks "how would you like to die?" and fry says "i'd like to make a collect call please", the voice says "you have chosen slow and painful". bender says "ohhhh thats a good one".

anyways, quintin, far more people than you realize know exactly what you are talking about. it takes courage to bring it up, especially to a group of faceless names.

[commygun]

In my experience there's no one older than a 23-year old. Childhood and
adolescence are irrevocably over and the uncertainties of adulthood loom.
I don't know how many times I've heard someone in their early twenties
talk about how old or unaccomplished they feel. I'm not questioning the
validity of your feelings but please, relax. Life is NOT a race and I think most of
us here envy the amount of time and the variety of experience you still have in front of you.

[Mabs2]

Hmmm.
I got a 51 too...
All I can tell you is good luck.

[Standing Wolf]

Depression, yes. Happy pills, no.

I've been contending with depression all my life. I've found it helps to seek out heat, light, and activitiesbullseye target shooting, for examplein which I can concentrate in a truly serious way.

I've known an assortment of people who've tried various anti-depressants. Not a single one found relief that way.

[spacemanspiff]

yeah i dont put a lot of stock in that test. i got a 51 too, and trust me, my answers werent leaning towards the positive end of the spectrum.

[spacemanspiff]

came up with something else while watching tv last night.
there was a documentary on hbo about crack addicts. now i admit to feeling sorry for myself when my life doesnt match what i thought it was going to be, and it does get depressing to think that your stuck in a rut, not accomplishing much or making a 'difference' for the rest of the world to enjoy.

however, think about what other things we are NOT doing. we are not living on the street. we are not dumpster diving for food. we are not stealing from stores to return merchendise for cash. we are not whoring ourselves on the street for $20 or a hit off a crack pipe.

the point being, quintin, people like you, me, and a lot of others here, we havent hit rock bottom. in fact, we're still in the kiddy pool. and i'm afraid of going into the deep end.

[Holly76201]

Just as I began reading your post, Quintin, Fox news was talking with a woman about depression. The numbers of depressed people is amazing. the REPORTED number is 19 million. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Depression runs in my family, and my depressions started when I was 12. I didn't get any help til I was 21 and then I spent about 10 years getting better with meds, thinking I didn't need them anymore and rolling back down into the abyss.  An excellent book about depression, that includes many suggestions for treatment options/combinations is THE NOONDAY DEMON.
Most of all I would suggest a complete physical with blood work up for thyroid to rule out any physical causes. Depression is both neurologically and possibly psychologically based. Mine is both. A good psychiatrist for medication management is essential. If you try therapy, you may get a benefit from it. My opinion is that therapy never hurt anybody and helps a lot of folks. And as someone else suggested, there are a lot of meds out there so if the first one doesn't work, keep trying til you find the one that does. And don't worry about an addiction. That's scare talk.

Good Look and e-mail or PM me if you'd like to talk more.
Holly

[bountyhunter]

I had to stop taking mine.  It was getting to where I couldn't hear the voices inside my brain anymore.

[SpookyPistolero]

I love this place. It's so easy to bring up otherwise difficult topics and have a wealth of experiences to discuss, but in reality it gets hard to even approach the topic.

I have had some fair depression growing up (I'm only 22 now) and my whole family definitely has. Lots of depression/addiction in my blood. I think everyone in my immediate family, except me and my younger sister, is on an anti-depressant right now actually, haha. Three are recovering alcoholics. Good times!

I spent high school and early college in church basically, which was probably good overall but mostly compounded my problems. Lots of guilt for not being happy when 'God wants you to' and discussions of how worry was sinful. It blew my mind that me and others I knew could barely make ourselves function and resist walking into traffic, but the church was concerned with making sure 'we saved ourselves for marriage'. Haha, that's like being on the Titanic, seeing the iceburg coming, and complaining that the dining hall wasn't clean.

What I did was try to realize what sorts of things prompted downward spirals into depressed states. I have a fair list, and I just avoid those things as much as possible now.

Whenever I withdrew from people for an extended period it occurred. That ones hard because I'm definitely an introvert and love 'me' time.

I noted that it happened whenever I started 'thinking inward' all the time. That is, thinking of me and my situation and not worrying about those around me. When I started making others my primary concern, things got much better.

You must laugh. Absolutely have to. Watch funny movies. Be around light-hearted people. I used to force myself to watch the Stooges until I at least cracked a smile. I keep movies like 'Dumb and Dumber' and 'Young Frankenstein' on hand for emergencies.

Get fresh air, breathe deeply, realize the positives of your life, think of what you could do to love others more and improve their day.

Enjoy a hobby. Shooting is obviously massive for most of us, and .22 plinking is a good therapist. I also smoke a pipe which works wonders.

Those are helpful things to me, I hope something was relevant for you. Best of luck, friends.

-Spooky