Author Topic: Paging Preacherman...  (Read 4287 times)

Guest

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Paging Preacherman...
« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2005, 08:11:52 PM »
How about a Hell Yeah?

Quit searching for where SWMBO hid the Tootsie Rolls and read the Limerick thread I started. Tongue

grampster

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Paging Preacherman...
« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2005, 08:14:27 PM »
AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
"Never wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."  G.B. Shaw

280plus

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Paging Preacherman...
« Reply #27 on: December 23, 2005, 05:50:07 AM »
SANTAS GROANERS!



What do they call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?

Krisp Kringle

Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?

Santa's little Elvis

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?

"Rude"olph

Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?

Deery Queen

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?

Santa Claus-trophbia

The 4 stages of man:

He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus. He looks like Santa Claus.

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

Ribbon hood

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.
Avoid cliches like the plague!

Strings

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Paging Preacherman...
« Reply #28 on: December 23, 2005, 07:24:10 AM »
y'all are just bad, bad men... Tongue

grampster

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« Reply #29 on: December 23, 2005, 06:53:34 PM »
Cough, Ahem.

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual gift for his wife.  The shop owner suggested a parrot, name Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols.  This seemed lke the perfect gift.  "How do I get him to sing?"  the young man asked, excitedly.  "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet", was the shop owners reply.

  The owner held a lighted match under Chet's left foot.  Chet began to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..."
The owner held another match under Chet's right foot.  Chet's tune changed , and the air was filled with "Silent Night, Holy Night..."  The young man was so impressed he immedietely paid for the bird and ran home quickly with the bird tucked under his arm.

When his wife saw the gift she was overwhelmed.  "How beautiful" she exclaimed.  "Can he talk?"  "No" the young man replied, "but he can sing."  With that he whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot and Chet crooned "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..."  The lad moved the lighter to Chet's right foot and out came "Silent Night, Holy Night..."  The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "what if we hold the lighter between his legs?"  The man did not know.  "Let's try it" he said, eager to please his wife.  So they held the lighter between Chet's legs.  

Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and that little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."
"Never wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."  G.B. Shaw

Preacherman

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« Reply #30 on: December 23, 2005, 07:14:53 PM »
Oh, well, I guess I have to give in to my baser instincts and join in! Cheesy

Y'all know that the Theorem of Pythagoras was proved by Native Americans a few years ago?

Yep.  Seems that this chief had three wives, whom he loved dearly.  As a token of his esteem for them, he bought them tepees floored with imported African game hides, to set them above the rest of the wives in his tribe, who had to make do with antelope, buffalo, etc.

Anyway, in due course all three of his wives became pregnant, one after the other.  The chief was very happy to have his manhood thus proven, and settled back to await results.

In due course, the first squaw gave birth to a baby girl, in her tepee floored with elephant hide.

A couple of weeks later, the second squaw gave birth to a baby boy, in her tepee floored with rhinoceros hide.

A few weeks after that, the third squaw gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, in her tepee floored with hippopotamus hide.

This proves that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

Wink
Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional!

Please visit my blog: http://bayourenaissanceman.blogspot.com/

grampster

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« Reply #31 on: December 23, 2005, 07:58:41 PM »
Ding Ding Ding.  In one fell swoop!
Preacherman wins again!
"Never wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."  G.B. Shaw

matis

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« Reply #32 on: December 23, 2005, 11:52:36 PM »
Age must be catching up with me -- 'cause I liked 'em.  About p]ssed myself.


DON'T STOP!   I WANT MORE!!






matis
Si vis pacem; para bellum.

Stickjockey

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Paging Preacherman...
« Reply #33 on: December 24, 2005, 07:38:50 AM »
Quote
Stickjockey started it, I'll end it:
I was gonna wait a bit for dramatic effect, but okay.Cheesy
APS #405. Plankowner? You be the judge.
We can't stop here! This is bat country!!