Announcer: "To my left in the unrelieved black trunks,
Thomas Aquinas! with his
Summa Theologica, weighing in at over three thousand pages of closely argued objections & refutations rendered in tiny font. To my right, in the stylish and mildly ironic light blue trunks that hearken back to the golden age of boxing (sourced from a store you wouldn't know somewhere in Austin, Texas)
Brian McLaren! with his
Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road?, weighing in at 281 pages of humorous and thought-provoking anecdotes deliberately lacking in propositional truth."
--three minutes later--
Ringside Commentator: "Bob, I tell you, I have not seen such a rout since Tyson destroyed McNeely in 90 seconds. And the drama of Aquinas's trainer, Aristotle, encouraging him by shouting, "Give him the Averroes/Augustine combo, Thomas, for the love of faith and reason!" as Aquinas stepped out of his corner at the bell. Despite his age, Aquinas was nimble on his feet and landed hammer blow after hammer blow with his
Summa. McLaren, careful up to this point to avoid a bout in the Theological Heavyweight division, quickly had his latest tome knocked from his grasp and could resort only to shouting out claims of tolerance and bad imitations of southern accents such as "The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it," in a snarky and ironic fashion. At 1:29 McLaren's trainers, Jacques Derrida and a previously unknown child who we were informed by McLaren's publicist is a Muslim refugee from Algeria, seeing McLaren in unrecoverable distress after being knocked down repeatedly, threw in the towel, shouting, "This is only a loss in
this context!"
---ten minutes later---
Announcer: "Be sure to come back next week, to see Martin Luther and his
Small Catechism take on Rob Bell and his
Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith. Sure to be a knock-down drag-out fight to the finish..."