Author Topic: Ralph & the IRS Auditor  (Read 882 times)

roo_ster

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Ralph & the IRS Auditor
« on: May 07, 2008, 08:48:49 AM »
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

 The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
 full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
 gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

 I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph. 'How about a
 demonstration?'

 The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

 Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

 The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

 Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

 Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
 other eye.'

 Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

 Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

 The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, 
 with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

 'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
 dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that 
 wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

 The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides
 there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he  agrees again.

 Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
strains  mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other  side,
 so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

 The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
 loss into a huge win.

 But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned
 for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that  he could come in here and
 piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy  about it.'
Regards,

roo_ster

“Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.”
----G.K. Chesterton

Devonai

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Re: Ralph & the IRS Auditor
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2008, 09:12:59 AM »
I've heard the same joke with a bar as the setting, but this version is just as funny.
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freakazoid

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Re: Ralph & the IRS Auditor
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2008, 09:53:58 AM »
ROFL  laugh
"so I ended up getting the above because I didn't want to make a whole production of sticking something between my knees and cranking. To me, the cranking on mine is pretty effortless, at least on the coarse setting. Maybe if someone has arthritis or something, it would be more difficult for them." - Ben

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Angel Eyes

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Re: Ralph & the IRS Auditor
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2008, 10:01:33 AM »
I've heard the same joke with a bar as the setting, but this version is just as funny.

Yup.  In the movie Desperado.

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