Author Topic: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..  (Read 6072 times)

Manedwolf

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 cheesy



Quote
Have you inadvertently let the smoke out of the wires on your classic British car? This, then, is the solution to your problem!

Here is presented for your perusal one Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke kit, P/N 530433, along with the very rare Churchill Tool 18G548BS adapter tube and metering valve. These kits were supplied surreptitiously to Lucas factory technicians as a trouble-shooting and repair aid for the rectification of chronic electrical problems on a plethora of British cars. The smoke is metered, through the fuse box, into the circuit which has released it's original smoke until the leak is located and repaired. The affected circuit is then rectified and the replacement smoke re-introduced. An advantage over the cheap repro smoke kits currently available is the exceptionally rare Churchill metering valve and fuse box adapter. It enables the intrepid and highly skilled British Car Technician to meter the precise amount of genuine Lucas smoke required by the circuit.

Unlike the cheap, far-eastern replacement DIYsmoke offered by the "usual suppliers", this kit includes a filter to ensure that all the smoke is of consistent size, It has been our experience in our shop that the reproduction Tiawanese smoke is often "lumpy", which will cause excessive resistance in our finely-engineered British harnesses and components. This is often the cause of failure in the repro electrical parts currently available, causing much consternation and misplaced cursing of the big three suppliers.

These kits have long been the secret weapon of the "Ultimate Authorities" in the trade, and this may be the last one available. Be forewarned, though, that it is not applicable to any British vehicle built after the discontinuing of bullet connectors, so you Range Rover types are still on your own...

This Genuine Factory Authorised kit contains enough smoke to recharge the entire window circuit on a 420 Jaguar, and my dear friend and advisor George Wolf of British Auto Specialty assures me that he can replace ALL the smoke in a W&F Barrett All-Weather Invalid Car(147 CC) with enough left over to test a whole box of Wind-Tone horns for escaped smoke. How much more of an endorsement do you need?

More, you say? Well, I once let the smoke out of the overdrive wiring on my friend Roger Hankey's TR3B, and was able to drive over 200 miles home from The Roadster Factory Summer Party by carefully introducing smoke into the failed circuit WITHOUT even properly repairing the leak. Another friend, Richard Stephenson, was able to repair the cooling fan circuit of his Series 1 E-type by merely replacing a fuse and injecting a small quantity of smoke back into the wires. So there!

So, if you're troubled by lost smoke, bid early and bid often! Thanks for looking!

Sergeant Bob

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2008, 05:10:55 AM »
I wonder if they make replacement magic smoke for computers... grin
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MechAg94

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2008, 05:25:56 AM »
I have been standing next to an 8000 Hp motor when the smoke was let out.  It gets your attention. 
Of course, that was just a little smoke and it didn't need a complete rewind.
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Perd Hapley

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2008, 02:35:29 PM »
Totally lost. 
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BobR

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2008, 02:43:19 PM »
Now if he would find a jar of dark to use in case the headlamps started putting out light he would have all the bases covered.

bob

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2008, 03:42:54 PM »
I think its some sort of british humor. Us westerners aren't supposed to understand.
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RaspberrySurprise

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #6 on: July 09, 2008, 04:09:49 PM »
You see when electronics, computers especially, die they tend to let out a cloud of magic blue smoke. Once this smoke is gone your piece of electronics usually fails to work well if at all.

So once you've let the smoke out, it's dead.
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mgdavis

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2008, 06:02:51 PM »
I'd love to buy a jar of this, especially if it actually had smoke suspended in it. It'd make a great gift for the uncle that has a MG B, a Lotus Elite, and an Alfa Romeo.  grin

Hawkmoon

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2008, 07:14:16 PM »
Quote from: fistful
Totally lost

Quote from: never_retreat
I think its some sort of british humor. Us westerners aren't supposed to understand.

You have to be old enough to remember when British sports cars were the "in" thing here in the Yoo Ess of Ay. They all had Lucas electrical parts and wiring, and they were widely known for "going up in smoke" (as the saying goes). The cars and the engines were fun, but Lucas electrics were universally (and deservedly) reviled.
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Perd Hapley

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2008, 07:38:11 PM »
I have a feeling I wouldn't have been "in the know" on that, regardless how long I'd been around.  See the "stereotypical guy things" thread.  I was thinking George Lucas. 
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PTK

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2008, 07:53:05 PM »
Hey, the only reason the electric wiring was so bad was that they couldn't figure out how to make wires leak oil.  grin
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Manedwolf

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #11 on: July 09, 2008, 10:49:40 PM »
I have a feeling I wouldn't have been "in the know" on that, regardless how long I'd been around.  See the "stereotypical guy things" thread.  I was thinking George Lucas. 

Lucas Electrical is also considered the inventor of the first intermittent wiper and self-dimming headlight, though neither was intentional. Slogan: "Get home before dark". cheesy

They're a British company that has a long, long, long and continuing reputation as having the most inconsistent wiring and awful soldering in existence, as well as downright possessed vehicle electrical systems. Ask anyone who has a Jaguar, even a new one. Or a Land Rover!

mtnbkr

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #12 on: July 10, 2008, 02:21:38 AM »
The magic smoke meme isn't limited to British autos and Lucas electronics.  It's also known in other electronics related hobbies.

Chris

MechAg94

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2008, 04:20:37 AM »
It is also a common joke in chemical plants and other industry (on the electrical side at least).  Once you let the smoke out a big electric motor, it don't start no more.  Smiley
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Firethorn

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2008, 05:44:04 AM »
It is also a common joke in chemical plants and other industry (on the electrical side at least).  Once you let the smoke out a big electric motor, it don't start no more.  Smiley

It's for pretty much anything electrical.  I've seen the magic smoke released a few times myself.  It's fun when you're dealing with a building where half the outlets are 220, half are 110, you have power cables for either and are getting computers from the states set to 110.

I actually wrote up a tech solution saying it'd save money to spend the extra $5-10 and get PFC power supplies that were auto-voltage.  Yes, we had all sorts of rules to CHECK before connecting power, but we were still losing 1-2 supplies a month.

xavier fremboe

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2008, 06:41:58 AM »
Q.  Why do the British drink warm beer?
A.  Because Lucas make refrigerators.
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Tallpine

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #16 on: July 10, 2008, 07:03:01 AM »
Hey, the only reason the electric wiring was so bad was that they couldn't figure out how to make wires leak oil.  grin

LOL  grin  grin  grin  grin  grin

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Manedwolf

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #17 on: July 10, 2008, 07:13:05 AM »
Well, there's also the Interpol guide to determining what make a suspect's car was.

If nothing was left behind, German. If there is a puddle, British. If there's actual car parts, French.

Tallpine

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #18 on: July 10, 2008, 07:16:00 AM »
If the whole car is left behind, does that make it American ?  shocked
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Otherguy Overby

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #19 on: July 11, 2008, 02:31:53 AM »
Aha!  I've lived long enough to remember those Lucas Electric headlight switches. 

They had three positions, Dim, Flicker and Off...
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Tuco

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #20 on: July 11, 2008, 04:35:57 AM »
A gentleman does not motor about after dark.




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erictank

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Re: Lucas replacement factory smoke...best spoof auction ever..
« Reply #21 on: July 11, 2008, 05:48:58 AM »
I have a feeling I wouldn't have been "in the know" on that, regardless how long I'd been around.  See the "stereotypical guy things" thread.  I was thinking George Lucas. 

Lucas Electrical is also considered the inventor of the first intermittent wiper and self-dimming headlight, though neither was intentional. Slogan: "Get home before dark". cheesy

They're a British company that has a long, long, long and continuing reputation as having the most inconsistent wiring and awful soldering in existence, as well as downright possessed vehicle electrical systems. Ask anyone who has a Jaguar, even a new one. Or a Land Rover!

I'd always heard Lucas referred to as "The Prince Of Darkness".  grin  I've even heard the one about "they couldn't figure out how to make the wires leak oil" before.  Hadn't heard the one about Lucas refrigerators, though.  Nice.