TSA versus the Terrorist Cheese and Summer Sausage

[Gewehr98]

We had a house guest from the West Coast for a week, and I took him around these parts, including a visit to my family's farms in Sauk County, etc. He got to enjoy standard fare such as cheddarwurst, and Friday night fish fry.

He went nuts over the cheese curds and summer sausage, so as a gift to take back to Kalifornia, we bought him a brick each of Wisconsin Mild Cheddar and Colby, as well as a nice stick of beef summer sausage, plainly wrapped and easily identifiable as such. He put them in his carry-on baggage.

That may have been a mistake, in hindsight.

The TSA screeners at the airport pulled him to the side, and grilled him repeatedly, asking him why he was flying with cheese and summer sausage. The poor kid was shaking in his boots, and simply said they were gifts from Wisconsin, etc.  He was finally allowed to proceed to his gate, but called me upon landing at John Wayne Airport with the whole story.

Supposedly, block cheese has the same consistency as some plastic explosives.  I wonder if they taste and smell the same? Tact and diplomacy notwithstanding, I sort of wish I was the one they had pulled aside to interrogate over flying with food.  Assuming my SV-81 and SV-83 training didn't kick in, I would've loved to try my own reverse interrogation techniques on them, at their expense.  My wife probably would've told me to just shut up and give them the goods...   

(Edited: Googling further, it appears this is not the first "cheese incident" in TSA history...)

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

he get to keep the grub?

[Nick1911]

Assuming my SV-81 and SV-83 training didn't kick in, I would've loved to try my own reverse interrogation techniques on them, at their expense.

For us non-military folks, what is SV-81 and SV-83 training?

And such a thing as reverse interrogation exists?  That sounds like a fantastic life skill!   

[erictank]

(Googling further, it appears this is not the first "cheese incident" in TSA history...)

Those interested in further tales of TSA stupidity should check out FlyerTalk's Travel Safety & Security forum (http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=222).  The TSA's own "Evolution of Security" weblog (http://www.tsa.gov/blog) is also good for a laugh, if you can keep from being outraged by the blatant security theater and the "Trust us, we're from the government" mentality displayed by both TSA employees and their apologists.

From the sound of it, your friend did better than most, in retaining items which were clearly and verifiably no threat to the safety of the aircraft or the people on board.

[Gewehr98]

Nick, I'm sorry, Google "SERE" sometimes.

The Army folks have a version called SERE-C.  The Air Force officially calls it "SV83--Special Survival Training - Follow-on SERE training for selected units."

I won't go into specifics, but in the crewdawg vernacular, SV-81 includes what is commonly known as "Beatings", and SV-83 is nicknamed "Advanced Beatings".

Depending on your duty position, SV-91 and SV-93 take the training even further, and you're usually encouraged by your unit commander to take a week or two of leave afterwards to decompress.  In my own case, I'd say a week is the minimum one needs, and my ex-wife would probably disagree with that assessment as being totally inadequate.  The school's commandant warns each student to try not to get arrested for a while after graduating. 

It's often described by graduates as, "The best course that I never want to do again."

I agree with that short synopsis, but it also comes in quite handy when your spouse/significant other is trying to get you to answer a question, too.   

[Gewehr98]

He got to keep the grub, and his iPod which was somewhere next to it in his backpack. 

Of course, to the uninitiated, the iPod in close proximity to the cheese is obviously a "device".   

[Standing Wolf]

We have met the enemy, and he is us.

[dogmush]

Umm O.K.





I know for a fact they smell different, and the actual consistancy of C4 is different then cheese.  But I'll give the feel part a pass, because I don't want TSA folks actually fingering explosives.  Bad idea, that.

All in all this is not the most outragious thing TSA has done, but it would be interesting to have someone that actually knew just a little bit about security train them.

[Manedwolf]

He got to keep the grub, and his iPod which was somewhere next to it in his backpack. 

Of course, to the uninitiated, the iPod in close proximity to the cheese is obviously a "device".   

They consider that a "dry run".

I am serious. It was detailed in a leaked memo from them.

[Nitrogen]

I was once detained for having a laser pointer in my backpack.

I was in sales at the time, and it was one of those remote control dealios with a laser pointer built in.  I used it for giving presentations.  Apparently I wanted to bring down the plane with it.

[41magsnub]

I was once detained for having a laser pointer in my backpack.

I was in sales at the time, and it was one of those remote control dealios with a laser pointer built in.  I used it for giving presentations.  Apparently I wanted to bring down the plane with it.

Maybe you could have used it to burn a hole in the window causing a violent decompression and explode the airplane?  /just seeing how many misconceptions I can work into a single sentence...