It's official... Mtnbkr's daughter...

[K Frame]

loves to hate me!

She's 2, and a master practitioner of the ancient art of toddler-fu. Over the last several weeks she's head butted me in the nose, grabbed my moustach and yanked, sunk her razor-sharp fingernails into my chin (repeatedly) and kicked me in the crotch.

Tonight she karate chopped me in the face and broke my Flexon glasses in half! I didn't think that was possible.

I'm fearing for my life here, folks.

HELP ME!

[Jamisjockey]

I can't help.  I have a 2 year old and he is a menace to society.  He's bloodied my nose twice, given me a black eye, gotten in numerous fights with other kids, and harrasses my pets constantly.

[Sindawe]

I recommend liberal application of a large gunny sack, a few heavy rocks and a deep body of water.  Insert said child in sack, add rocks, tie off sack and insert sack, rocks and child in body of water.


Children: They are not just for breakfast anymore.

[Guest]

"Here is a quarter kid - go play out in the street".

-Invert Playpen, set a chair atop - let her play jail.
-Bring her handcuffs and find something to handcuff her to.
-Word is modern trunks muffle screams and cries better than old vehicle trunks
-Jack Daniels and juice anyone?
-Play 'roll the kid up in a throw rug game".

Okay I was funnin'.  I am sure she is a great kid and thinks Mike hung the moon. She just wants attention and Mike is just her bestest funnest visitor.

Seriously, bring her bubble bath stuff. Kids get all droopy and sleepy after a warm bath, and belly full of cereal.
For added assurance read a story and rub her back..."zonk" out like a light.

[Chris]

bring her bubble bath stuff. Kids get all droopy and sleepy after a warm bath, and belly full of cereal.
For added assurance read a story and rub her back..."zonk" out like a light.

Interesting, that works on my wife as well...

[K Frame]

We were in the middle of the frigging Cracker Barrel getting ready to eat dinner. I don't think the staff would have appreciated me giving her a bubble bath in one of the crappy fountains that they sell.

[280plus]

Mikey's got a girlfriend...

[mtnbkr]

Seriously, bring her bubble bath stuff. Kids get all droopy and sleepy after a warm bath, and belly full of cereal.
For added assurance read a story and rub her back..."zonk" out like a light.

HA!

As the father, don't you think I've tried this before?  The only thing other than pure exhaustion that will slow her down is benedryl.  We avoid using this as a sleeping aid unless absolutely necessary (it's 3am and she wants to party, etc).   She's usually not too bad, but lately I haven't been able to play with her, roughhouse, etc due to my surgery.  She has a lot of pent up energy that she normally takes out on me rather than Mike.

Chris

[Jamisjockey]

I recommend liberal application of a large gunny sack, a few heavy rocks and a deep body of water.  Insert said child in sack, add rocks, tie off sack and insert sack, rocks and child in body of water.


Children: They are not just for breakfast anymore.

Not even funny.

[Jamisjockey]

Seriously, bring her bubble bath stuff. Kids get all droopy and sleepy after a warm bath, and belly full of cereal.
For added assurance read a story and rub her back..."zonk" out like a light.

HA!

As the father, don't you think I've tried this before?  The only thing other than pure exhaustion that will slow her down is benedryl.  We avoid using this as a sleeping aid unless absolutely necessary (it's 3am and she wants to party, etc).   She's usually not too bad, but lately I haven't been able to play with her, roughhouse, etc due to my surgery.  She has a lot of pent up energy that she normally takes out on me rather than Mike.

Chris

When I get out there we'll hook the kids up.  Gotta perpetuate the future of the shooting sports.

[K Frame]

"As the father, don't you think I've tried this before?"

I keep telling you, Chris. You're not beating her nearly often enough.


All I can say is thank God she likes me. Otherwise she'd probably kill me...

Even better, my eye doctor can get a new set of frames in tomorrow. Phew. I was afraid they were going to be out of production...

[mtnbkr]

She broke his glasses. Spanking time?

You'd spank a toddler for an accident?  

Chris

[K Frame]

"She broke his glasses. Spanking time?"

It's called an ACCIDENT.

There was absolutely nothing malicious about it.

She was excited to see me and, as toddlers are wont to do, was waving her arms around in delight.

She simply happened to catch me across the bridge of the nose or on one of the lenses. She never grabbed at my glasses.

To be perfectly honest I was responsible for driving her enthusiasm level up by tickling her and getting her even more excited.

I was shocked that she could break the wire frame like that, but I wasn't in the least bit angry with her.


I like to joke a lot about how Abby beats me up.

But let's get something straight. I LOVE it as much as I adore Abby, which is a lot.

And I'm truly grateful that Chris and his wife invite me to spend as much time with them as they do. Spending time around a healthy, happy, active toddler can really make you feel young if you don't have kids.

Oh yeah, I'm not so sure how thrilled Chris is about the entire thing, though, given that I'm working hard on teaching Abby to call him Homer...

[garrettwc]

To be perfectly honest I was responsible for driving her enthusiasm level up by tickling her and getting her even more excited.

And you come here looking for sympathy!? You are on your own.

[K Frame]

I didn't come looking for sympathy, I came looking for help!

[K Frame]

I can think of someone who should be locked in a broom closet, but it's definitely someone who should know better...

[Jamisjockey]

She broke his glasses. Spanking time?

You'd spank a toddler for an accident?  

Chris

Eh, I'd still lock it in a broomcloset or something.

Don't be a *expletive deleted*ing ahole.  That's not even funny.  What you're condoning is abuse.  If you're serious, I hope you go get a vasectomy right now.

[Sindawe]

Eh, I'd still lock it in a broomcloset or something.

How about a steamer trunk bound for Outer Mongolia?  If thats too extreme, I hear the Laudanum Lolly-pops work wonders at keeping the peace.

Don't be a *expletive deleted*ing ahole.  That's not even funny.

Oh, stop getting your skirt in a knot.  Not everybody worships at the altar of the Goldensprog.  Some of us actually have a LIFE (you know, that thing you had before you contracted the 18 year parasite infestation).

If you think the closet idea is so bad, I better not tell you any more of my ideas for childrearing.

Crated until they are fully housebroken and obey voice commands?

[280plus]

My child rearing advice. BE CONSISTENT. No means NO!! If the child figures out no means yes if they argue long enough and hard enough you are in BIG trouble. If you teach them no means no from the get go, your life will be much easier. You are not doing the child a favor by being all soft hearted and giving in.

If that doesn't work tell them theres a boogie man in the basement and he will come up and EAT them if they don't behave...

(AWWWW, I'm only kidding, but only about the second part )

[280plus]

You forgot the "foot in yo' ass" method. "If you don't stop that I'm going to put my foot in yo' ass!!"

No seriously, I never hit my kids. Not because some friggin' psychologist told me not to but because I used to get MY ass beat so badly and so regularly for NOTHING that I vowed never to hit my own kids and I kept that vow. All they had to know was I meant what I said. That's the secret. All getting my ass beat did was make me hate my parents to this day. Ask "Mom" how long ago it was since she last talked to me. I can't stand the sight of her nor can I stand the sound of her voice and I'm WELL into adulthood. And dad? The first memory I have is of him beating my ass in my CRIB! Once he picked me up by the back of the neck and threw me against a wall when I was about 10. He's gone now.

As a matter of fact when I told 'Mom' a long time ago she should never hit my children she says,"I don't understand why I can't give them a wack on the fanny if they get out of line." This was the woman who once smashed me in the face with a box of frozen Green Giant corn and broke my nose. My response, "Because I'll have you ARRESTED if you do." And I would. She knows I mean what I say too. It's a gift I guess.

Don't let ME catch you beating any kids...

[Larry Ashcraft]

This thread is going downhill fast.

Forget that, it has already hit bottom.

Blackburn, we have raised three great kids and now have eight great grandkids and have never had to BEAT anybody.  A paddle on the diaper, yes, but actually HITTING anybody shouldn't happen in any family.

After reading your post again, I really want to believe you are kidding.  Really.  If not, you are one sick SOB.

[Jamisjockey]

I see this is just turning into an insulting troll fest.
Blackburn, Sindawe, something is wrong with both of you.  Child abuse isn't at all funny.  Until you're a parent, take your 'parenting techniques' and keep them to yourself.

[mtnbkr]

Blackburn, you're a pussy and I wouldn't be afraid to smack you around a bit.  Happy?

Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not afraid to spank my child when she willfully misbehaves.  I do not spank her for accidents.  There's a difference.  There's also a difference between spanking and beating.

If that doesn't work tell them theres a boogie man in the basement and he will come up and EAT them if they don't behave...

I'd try that, but I hang out in the basement.  What does that say about me?

Chris

[Larry Ashcraft]

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat

Satire. ;|

Not funny.

[mtnbkr]

When I get out there we'll hook the kids up.  Gotta perpetuate the future of the shooting sports.

One good thing to come out of this thread....

Yeah, definately.  She's my hope for the future.  I can't change an anti's mind, but maybe I can out breed them.

Chris