I need to vent.....and looking to some advice from "been there done that" folks.....
I'm 38 y.o., master's degree, a wife that is far better to me than I deserve, a decent house, a little money in the bank, some property we're paying on, etc, etc. By all accounts life should be good.
Trouble is....I just feel like crap. No other way to describe it.....physically and emotionally I feel like crap.
My back hurts constantly regardless of what I do, I don't sleep, knees are going, hips and achilles tendons ache. That pretty much covers the physical side.
I can see where being more atttentive to my work out routine could cure some of that but I'm more concerned about the emotional crappiness that seems to be insinuating its way into my life.
A lot of the emotional thing is a direct result of my work life. I'm 17 years into a teaching career...taught college for a couple of years in addition to my main gig as a HS teacher, had big time award winning music groups, been a guest conductor and clinician, first call performer on my instrument......without hesitation I would tell you that I was (notice past context) as good as they come. I was the guy that could fix the tough programs....I could turn a band into chicken salad from chicken s%$# in no time flat.
After grad school I followed my soon to be wife to her new duty station at one of Uncle Sam's premier musical groups. Not at all what I really wanted since it involved being back north of the Potomac river and I knew from growing up there that it was not where I >really< wanted to live. But, given the wife's hard work at earning the job, it was the right thing to do. I had wanted a college gig full time, but ended up taking a HS gig that held a lot of promise.
This is where things all went wrong. Suffice it to say that I was sold a bill of goods and that what I was promised wasn't delivered.
Through a big lack of leadership within the school and department, I've had my performing groups taken from me and given a classroom position (which isn't too bad since I have basically no afterschool responsibilities), my gigs have dried up, going to school everyday is a chore. The thing that I trained my whole life for is no longer a part of my life....but hey times change and people adapt or perish.
I have nothing in common with my colleagues (imagine a shooter who doesn't relate to his sheeple teacher cohorts) and receive little positive interaction with adults during the day.
The easy out would be to move to another school division. This is where the conflict in my mind has arisen.
I make good money for working 190 days a year....around $62k...I'm not one of those teachers that complains about pay. If I go to another school system they will only pay for 7-9 years as opposed to step 16 where I am. This is around a $15-20k pay reduction.......a significant amount.
Trouble is...it's not just about the money. We could battten down the hatches and make out OK. I'm more concerned that it's not *just* my curent situation. Maybe I'm done with teaching. Maybe I'm done with music. For the first time, I had a serious conversation with the wife about selling my horns (around 15k tied up in these).
I don't want to go to another school just to find out that it's not *just* the current deal I'm bothered by. Maybe I'm done with the paperwork, the rude kids and parents, the lack of respect. If this is true, I go to another job and have to confront the inevitable end of my teaching and music career.
I can see myself becoming less connected to the profession day by day.....but am also looking at the big picture of what I need to do to retire comfortably, have the money and time (2 months vacaction is nothing to sneeze at) to do the things I want to do.
**Crux of the post**: A lot of folks have worked jobs that they didn't care for to provide for their families. You suck it up and get up and go to work and do the job they pay you for. You come home, kiss your S.O. and enjoy doing the things away from work that make you happy. You shoot, fish, garden....whatever it is that floats your boat. BUT.....when is it time to call it quits? Cut your losses?
I'm interested to hear from some folks you have walked away from longtime careers and made the switch to a more user friendly lifestyle.
OK....do with this what you will, but I feel better now. Thanks for listening.