Stickjockey started it, I'll end it:
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the deacon continued his interviews for the bellringer. The first man to approach him said, "I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch who fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The deacon agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother bent down to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two cops, hearing the deacon's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened?" the first asked breathlessly. "Who is this man?"
... rimshot ...
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught deacon, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
One night a woman opened her front door to find a huge cockroach on her door step. Before she had time to react, it pushed her over and ran off. Next night, the cockroach appeared again and kicked her hard on her shins. On the third night, it bit her on the hand.
The woman became very distraught at this and went to see her Doctor. "Oh, yes" said the Doctor "I've heard there's a nasty bug going around"
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and is treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She is met by two of the brothers. "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles." "I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out ofcuriosity, who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar." She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, indeed, I'm the chip monk."
A missionary couple were captured by some decidedly unfriendly natives, tied together with a long piece of leather and left dangling over a large cliff. That evening, the natives danced and chanted around the campfire and as each member passed the leather strap holding the unfortunate missionaries, he gave it a whack with a stick, causing it to weaken a bit more. As the chanting grew louder and louder, the husband looked at his wife romantically and said, "Listen darling. They're fraying our thong!"
Back in one of the old Chinese dynasties the towns had gongs that would be rung every two hours: At 8am once, 10am twice, noon thrice, 2pm four times, etc. The lawyers of the day would stretch out the trials as much they could to make more money. But the judges became extremely bored with the status quo and went to the emperor, getting a proclamation that all trials would have to be concluded at 2pm.
Thereafter all trials ended with a four-gong conclusion.
Somebody stop me!
LawDog
