A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up
to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like
to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!
I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
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The day after his crabby wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an
Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State
Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,"
said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some
good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said,"Give me the bad news
first."
The trooper said,? I?m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found
your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the
good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up she had 12 twenty-five
pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great
news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow !
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I recently picked a new primary care physician.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests,
he said I was doing "fairly well for my age".
A little concerned about that comment,
I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf,
sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said,
"Then why do you give a *expletive deleted*it if you live to be 80?"
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Regards,
Rabbit.