When the guy who's missing a finger says "don't do that", I usually listen....
If I need directions, I’m not asking a man with one tooth. I’m asking a man with one leg. Because he definitely knows the easiest way to get there.
....
"How'd you lose that leg?" It's always something really manly: "Landmine! '69!" You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too: "Snowblower and a bottle of whiskey!" You see a guy with one tooth - where's the story? What could the story be? "Well i like a lotta taffy."
-- Dave Attell