The 1st Affair
>
>A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
>Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
>and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
>
>"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>
>"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
>We had sex all afternoon."
>
>She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard!
>You've been playing golf!"
>
>
>
> The 2nd Affair
>
>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
>having a son.
>They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
>
>He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
>Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
>Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
>
>The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
>
>
> The 3rd Affair
>
>A mortician was working late one night.
>He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and
>made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had
>ever seen!
>
>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,
>"I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
>It must be saved for posterity."
>So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
>
>"I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening
>his briefcase.
>
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
>
>
> The 4th Affair
>
>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
>front door.
>"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over
>him, then dusted him
>with talcum powder don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're
>a statue."
>
>"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>
> "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
>so I got one for us, too."
>
>No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>
>Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
>sandwich and a beer.
>"Here," he said to the statue, "have this.
>"I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a
>damned thing."
>
>
> The 5th Affair
>
>A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>
> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
>
>"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
>He glanced at the menu and asked:
>"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
>
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
>
>"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
>"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>
>The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
>
>The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>
>The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
>here."
>
>
>The 6th Affair
>
>Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>He looked up and said weakly: I have something I must confess."
>
>"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
>
>"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace.
>I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your
>mother!"
>
>"I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."
>
>
>
>