Goofy customer #CCXXVII

[Monkeyleg]

I had to call a customer this morning about an order he'd placed for a scope. In the course of the conversation he asked me how to go about buying a gun online. He then said he wanted to get a "silencer" for the AR15 he was going to buy, and asked how to do that.

I explained first that the term is "suppressor", and that they don't completely silence a gun, just reduce the noise. He told me he'd been in the Rangers, and he'd fired "silenced" guns before.

I then told him the process for getting the approved Form 4 and tax stamp. I told him it would be a good idea to check first to make sure the chief law enforcement officer in his area signs Form 4's. He said that he was a firefighter and so he shouldn't have a problem.

I said that being a firefighter probably wouldn't have an effect on the stance of a CLEO who doesn't sign Form 4's, and that he should still check on it. He then said that he was a "reserve FBI agent", and could get a "silencer" from the "office" if he really needed one. He said he retired from the FBI because his wife got sick of him being gone all the time, and that's why he's now a firefighter.

Um, yeah, right. Whatever. 

[Pharmacology]

I wonder how much he averages on tips delivering pizzas?

[AJ Dual]

Dick, just PM me his shipping info and shoe size, I'll have his complimentary moccasins shipped out ASAP from the Milwaukee office of Gunshopfinder.

With any luck, he's somewhere between 9-1/2 and a 12, and he'll get one of the ones with the collectible Quantico Memorial stitching and actually autographed by David Duchovny.

[Perd Hapley]

As a retired FBI agent and current firefighter, I say he sounds legit. Miss CLEO really likes firefighters.

[Brad Johnson]

I don't think he was an idiot. I think you were being tested.

Brad

[TechMan]

As a retired FBI agent and current firefighter, I say he sounds legit. Miss CLEO really likes firefighters.

You mean her?

[AmbulanceDriver]

Ow.

Ow.


Ow.


Ow.


OW.


That is some powerful stupid there...  That hurts.....

[vaskidmark]

#CCXXVIII:

Just had a guy tell me that he used to tie a WP grenade to the top of his crypto radio, and a plastic canteen on top of the WP grenade, so that if he needed to destroy the radio it would be melted.

  >  >  >  >  > 

No, I did not ask him what outfit he was in, or when he was in, or even what planet he served on.

If I recall, my response to him was, and I quote: "Feets, don't fail me now.  Exit, stage left!"

stay safe.

[HankB]

What you heard about his being an FBI agent firefighter was just a cover story - he was really a 40-year old Navy SEEL Green Beret who led covert missions into Cambodia and Laos during the Vietnam War's TET Offensive after parachuting with his team from an F4 Phantom stealth troop carrier from high altitude . . .

[Perd Hapley]

You mean her?

Who do you think I get all my silencers from?

[Tallpine]

Can I get a silencer for my moccasins 

[Monkeyleg]

Can I get a silencer for my moccasins

If your moccasins squeak, just send them back. I can't give you a replacement gun, though, as I'm using it right now for training to become a reserve FBI agent.

[birdman]

#CCXXVIII:

Just had a guy tell me that he used to tie a WP grenade to the top of his crypto radio, and a plastic canteen on top of the WP grenade, so that if he needed to destroy the radio it would be melted.

  >  >  >  >  > 

No, I did not ask him what outfit he was in, or when he was in, or even what planet he served on.

If I recall, my response to him was, and I quote: "Feets, don't fail me now.  Exit, stage left!"

stay safe.

Well, it would probably destroy the radio...so he was part right...but would zeroizing the keys be simpler, and, well, less fatal?

[Zardozimo Oprah Bannedalas]

Hey, Monkey-dude. I'm I Special Forces Fireman Sergeant, and a reserve Secret Service Agent, I'm also in the Navy National Guard as a SEAL. Most of the time I just work Mall Security. I have some old Crimson Trace grips I got from someone else, but I'd like to buy a 3" 1911 instead of the 5" model. I can send you the old ones and you'll give me the ones for a 3", right? Thanks. And hey, I sent the gun with them, since I couldn't find any screwdrivers - so could you just buy me a Colt Officer's Model or something with the new grips? Thanks man.

P.S. I wear 10.5 W in moccasins.

[TechMan]

Hey, Monkey-dude. I'm I Special Forces Fireman Sergeant, and a reserve Secret Service Agent, I'm also in the Navy National Guard as a SEAL. Most of the time I just work Mall Security. I have some old Crimson Trace grips I got from someone else, but I'd like to buy a 3" 1911 instead of the 5" model. I can send you the old ones and you'll give me the ones for a 3", right? Thanks. And hey, I sent the gun with them, since I couldn't find any screwdrivers - so could you just buy me a Colt Officer's Model or something with the new grips? Thanks man.

P.S. I wear 10.5 W in moccasins.

BTW Do you sell ceramic insert plates for body armor.

[Jim147]

BTW Do you sell ceramic insert plates for body armor.

And the duct tape.

Seriously, when I was in Rainbow Team 4 Delta Airborne, we used to HAHO out of the space shuttle with our silenced .50's. We could take everyone out before we hit the ground.

Size 11. My old ones are getting a little worn. Do you want to send a pickup tag for the old ones?

jim

[Scout26]

Hey, give him a break.  He had too many HANO jumps to and had to become a Reserve FBI Firefighter after he flunked out of this:

[Matthew Carberry]

Well, it would probably destroy the radio...so he was part right...but would zeroizing the keys be simpler, and, well, less fatal?

Yeah, you kids with your fancy digital this and hand-held that.

Back when men were men and we humped Pricks with KY (wait, what?) the idea was to use a thermite grenade, not a WP.  Given the differences in blast radii and such... 

[birdman]

Yeah, you kids with your fancy digital this and hand-held that.

Back when men were men and we humped Pricks with KY (wait, what?) the idea was to use a thermite grenade, not a WP.  Given the differences in blast radii and such... 

Hahahahaha, true.  Was the grenade issued with the radio? (honest question)

As far as space shuttle door gunners, why would you want that job? I was a smart-gun operator in the colonial marines...yeah, 10mm caseless and motion detectors!  now that's a job!

[Matthew Carberry]

Hahahahaha, true.  Was the grenade issued with the radio? (honest question)

No, you would check out pyro from the armory so you'd get your day/night flares, smoke, grenades, Claymores and demo all at the same time (at least in our little company).  Burning your crypto to prevent capture was a real doctrine thing for Recon and the deep penetration units in the other Services back in the day though.

I never went to war and they never let me check out anything really "fun" for training (that wasn't on a controlled range) so I've only ever popped one thermite grenade, from a distance with a string, to watch it melt through an LAV hulk.

[vaskidmark]

Nor was the thermite grenade ever tied onto the radio.  Too much danger that the pin might be pulled while radio/grenade was attached to your back.  Ask a certain L/Cpl in Hotel Co, 3/5 about that.

Setting off a WP grenade against the outside of a radio (even the venerable KYxx/PRCxx(x) combinations) would, at best, cause some scorching of the paint.  WP grenades do not "leak" phosphorus, and if your gloves are thick enough and you are crazy enough you can hold onto the striker assembly while clouds of white smoke billow from the can.  (Do not try that trick at home.  Only an untrained drunken Marine is capable of doing something so stupid.  And I was verrrrry drunk.)

As for destroying the crypto gear - all you had to do with the old KY gear was bend the pins.  It was more important to destroy the code keys (printed pin settings).  After the setting was changed you could (theoretically) leave the old code key attached to a neon sign saying HERE IT IS.  Getting caught leaving the setting behind was another matter altogether.

The newer gear with the crypto stuff built in needs to be physically destroyed.  There are ways to fry the electronics without physically destroying the outside components.

stay safe.

[Jocassee]

I don't suppose he said anything about working security at one of America's largest indoor retail centers.

[RevDisk]

Well, it would probably destroy the radio...so he was part right...but would zeroizing the keys be simpler, and, well, less fatal?

Simpler, yes.  Always work, no.  It varies equipment to equipment.  Ideally, if you know the equipment is going to fall into the hands of sophisticated bad guys, you want to turn it into crispy carbon and a puddle of liquid plastic.  One of the NSA recommended field expedient destruction techniques for hard drives for instance is a blow torch.  Anything less than that is if you don't have the time, equipment or are unsure of capture.  ANCD has a little plastic plug you stomp (or take with you).  Other equipment varies greatly.  All of it carries zero switches, none of which you should trust with your buddies' lives.   

If you're away far from garrison and carrying high end crypto, yea, you're going to have a thermite grenade handy.  Whenever we got assigned an infantry escort for a retrans site or whatnot, admittedly virtually all of them were for exercises, they'd always ask what they needed to do to assist us.  My answer was the same every time, "Gimme about 20 seconds, then run like hell."   

[230RN]

HANO jump. (High Altitude, No Opening.)

Thank you, net.

[TechMan]

HANO jump. (High Altitude, No Opening.)

Thank you, net.

I thought it was High Altitude, No Oxygen.