Why did the chicken cross the road - Navy Version
Naval Education and Training Command (NAVEDTRA): The purpose is to
familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing
should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens
must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.
Special Forces Command (SEALS): The chicken crossed at a 90 degree
angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve
maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night,
using NVGs, preferably near a road bend in a valley.
Bureau of Naval Personnel (BUPERS): Due to the needs of the Navy,
the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road.
This will be a 3-year unaccompanied tour and we promise to give the chicken a
good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one
road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for
future promotion.
Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA): Despite what you see on CNN, I
can neither confirm nor deny any fowl performing acts of transit.
Questions? Please see the SSO.
Naval Air Warfare Center (NAWC): This event will need confirmation;
we need to repeat it using varied chicken breeds, road types, and weather
conditions to confirm whether it can actually happen within the parameters
specified for chickens and the remote possibility that they might cross thruways
designated by some as "roads".
Naval Surface Reserve Force (NAVSURFRESFOR): The chicken should log
this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates
the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a
Monday or Thursday. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe
another chicken cross the road.
Commander-in-Chief, U.S. Naval Forces, Europe (CINCUSNAVEUR): The
purpose is not important. What is important is that the chicken remained under
the OPCON of COMSIXTHFLEET and did not CHOP to the theater on the other
side of the road. Without CHOPing, the chicken was able to achieve a seamless
road- crossing with near perfect, real-time in-transit visibility.
Theater Air Control Center (TACC): We need the road-crossing time
and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.
Naval Intelligence: What chicken?
Naval Air Systems Command (NAVAIRSYSCOM): The chicken was instructed
to hold short of the road. This road incursion incident was reported in a
Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-emphasize that
chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.
Space and Naval Warfare Systems Command (SPAWARSYSCOM): The
"stovepipe" chickens of today will be replaced with a multi-function, supported,
affordable, integrated, and interoperable world-class chicken to warriors and
supporting elements, enabling them to dominate the roads of today and tomorrow,
as we move "Forward...From the Sea." Comptroller holds and corporate
taxes, however, will require delay fielding for two years, unless Congressional
plus-ups are approved.
Naval Sea Systems Command (NAVSEASYSCOM): Recent changes in
technology, coupled with today's multipolar strategic environment, have created
new challenges in the chicken's ability to cross the road. The chicken
was also faced with significant challenges to create and develop core competencies
required for this new environment.
NAVSEASYSCOM's Chicken Systems Program Office (PMS400CSPO): In a
partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the
Poultry Integration Model (PIM), CSPO helped the chicken use its skills,
methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people,
processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program
Management framework. The CSPO convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts and retired chickens along with MITRE consultants with deep skills in the
transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to
leverage their personal Knowledge and capital, both tacit and explicit, and
to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit
goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an
enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median
processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an
impactful environment which was strategically based, mission-focused, and built
upon a consistent, clear, and unified Mission Need Statement and aligned
with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive
towards the creation of a total business integration solution. The Chicken Systems Program
Office helped the chicken change to continue meeting its mission. The actual
crossing of the road has not occurred, however, due to the number of actions
items still open from the meeting.
