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Author Topic: El T on the juice!  (Read 2677 times)

El Tejon

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El T on the juice!
« on: May 11, 2006, 05:43:19 AM »
What I thought was an ear infection (I should know as I am a doctor) has been determined to be a throat inflammation.  The doc looked down my throat and said "Whoa!"

I am now on a steriod as well as an antibiotic.  So, I know have an excuse in case I slide into an inexplicable "rage" at someone (oh, let's say a certain barefoot, toothless, boogereating hilljack neighbor who parks their mother%#@ing fishing skiff on his lawn) for the next six days.

I'm untouchable.  BAAAHAAAHAHAHA!:D

Suggestions for my rage list are welcome.
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charby

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2006, 06:01:10 AM »
Well at least you'll have one thing in common with Barry Bonds.

C
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CatsDieNow

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2006, 06:06:31 AM »
As I recall from my fencing days, the steriod that you are probably on is not actually a banned substance in sports, but was just unable to be distinguished by a test from the other anabolic steriods that are all kinds of nasty.   So they banned them all - including things like the stuff in certain asthma inhalers.  Maybe testing methods have improved since I competed, though.

A lawyer on a 'roid rage...yikes.   I suggest flagerant, frivolous lawsuits vs. toothless.
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K Frame

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2006, 06:13:28 AM »
Hum...

Wave bye bye to your testicles...
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El Tejon

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2006, 06:16:21 AM »
Cats, yes, you are correct.  I've had this thing show positive on drug screens on PTRPs (petitions to revoke probation) before.  I've just had my guys show their scrip and that takes care of it.  

Good thing I am not on probation with anyone.  Well, excepting the tall blonde who always treats me as if I am on probation.Cheesy

charby, I'm as innocent as Barry Bonds.Cheesy
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Iain

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2006, 06:22:27 AM »
Yep good ole cortico-steroids. The only likely physical transformation will be the side-effects of the possible munchies.
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charby

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2006, 06:55:57 AM »
Quote from: El Tejon
charby, I'm as innocent as Barry Bonds.Cheesy
I was watching Bob Costas on HBO last night and they had a special on Steroids in MLB, boy did they tear in Barry Bonds.

-C
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grampster

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2006, 08:03:43 AM »
El T with a bulging forehead, massive shoulders and forearms with a vacant expression.
Hmmmmm.  I think his troubles may be over.  I'm betting that he starts parking a bass boat on his lawn with an old Dodge pkp in the driveway by the weekend.  He's gonna start fitting in.

Any takers?
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El T on the juice!
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2006, 08:24:27 AM »
So you're saying that I should watch myself at practice tonight?
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El Tejon

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« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2006, 08:24:47 AM »
Well, at least I have the blank expression down to a science.  Shoulders?  Check.  Massive forearms?  Check, check.  Bulging forehead?  Hmmm, not yet, actually its getting smaller from my repeated smashing on my desk and hitting it with my hands.Cheesy

If I park a bass boat in my lawn, it's going to have to be in the back as my house sits on a knoll.  And I would at least build another garage for it.
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El Tejon

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2006, 08:27:49 AM »
Dan, maybe.  I may go into a rage and violate the wooden man (and Dave's friggin' spastic Airedale should be careful).  Maybe I should not work the swords tonight.Cheesy
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Perd Hapley

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2006, 09:13:47 AM »
So you doctor AND lawyer?  No wonder you're so snooty you won't park on grass.  Smiley
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El Tejon

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2006, 09:56:45 AM »
Juris Doctor only.

I tell the ladies I'm an MD in bars.Cheesy
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« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2006, 12:31:29 PM »
Quote from: El Tejon
Dan, maybe.  I may go into a rage and violate the wooden man (and Dave's friggin' spastic Airedale should be careful).  Maybe I should not work the swords tonight.Cheesy
Well I just learned the pole form so maybe we can have a banker vs. lawyer duel. And regarding the fish skiff, if I had one, I wouldn't build a garage for it because then it won't rust and piss my neighbors off even more.
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crt360

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2006, 01:08:54 PM »
El T, since you probably haven't been to Texas in awhile, I might have to take a few pictures of the various uses people make of their yards down here.  Sure, sure, there are gated neighborhoods where you can't even mow your own grass or park in your driveway ('cause the driveway is only for getting your car from the street into the garage).  The neighborhoods where the real people live are not so "form over function" and some get really functional.  How about two boats, an old van, a Camaro on blocks, a couple of BBQ pits, lawn chairs, an assortment of walk-behind and riding lawnmowers in various states of repair, a small child or two playing with a tire, and a pitbull on a chain.  My grandma's house had neighbors with such front yards the last time I was there.  They probably have even more stuff now.

You might need some better steroids if you're going to throw down with a "boogereating hilljack".
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For entertainment purposes only.

Preacherman

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2006, 03:51:23 PM »
El T, if you do decide to violate the wooden man tonight, just remember that splinters in that area may take some explaining to the ER nurses . . . Cheesy
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Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional!

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grampster

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2006, 04:32:56 PM »
There once was El T the doctor,
who claimed to be a marvelous proctor.
He was in love with the grass,
told the neighbor to kiss his sweet a**
who's daughter came forth
and he sock't her.

(It's the Redbreast Irish whiskey and I'm not responsible for my actions.)
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El Tejon

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #17 on: May 12, 2006, 03:13:44 AM »
crt, not since '04, but I've been to Austin and have seen the chickens in the streets so I do know what goes on down South.  The scene you describe would probably put me in therapy for months.

It's just my Yankee uptightedness showing over the hilljack and his fishing skiff.  I mean, come one, you're up North now, live like us--clean, uptight and out of sight.  Don't think I need the 'roids, he's stiff and slow and covered in lard, but the worse thing you can do is to sink to his level so hopefully I can use the law to enforce my will.  Could be worse, he could be crazy like the guy at the other end of the nieghborhood who puts a stuffed shark in his window.  It's so exhausting organizing the world.
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CatsDieNow

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #18 on: May 12, 2006, 03:47:50 AM »
I think those roids are shrinking your perception of reality.  

My ex-boyfriend in Indiana maintained an amateur junkyard, just like many of his neighbors.
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El Tejon

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #19 on: May 12, 2006, 08:54:39 AM »
Did he live on the north end of Lafayette and did he have a fishing skiff in his yard?

There must be some mechanism under law where we can round these types up and send them back.  If not, we need to confiscate their homes and send them to Gary where both cities will benefit.

Second day on the juice and no rage.  Well, I still get worked up over hillbillies with fishing boats in their yards, but I deal with it in a typical Yankee method--I clean my house and scheme to overachieve.Cheesy

No symptoms:  no munchies, no mood swings, no upset stomach.  My urine does have a wierd yellow color, almost neon, but doc says that's normal.  Go figure.
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I do not smoke pot, wear Wookie suits, live in my mom's basement, collect unemployment checks or eat Cheetoes, therefore I am not a Ron Paul voter.

El Tejon

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2006, 08:31:02 AM »
Last day on the juice.  No side effects such as uncontrollable fits of rage against hilljacks and my window of excuses is rapidly closing.

*sigh*  Hey!  Maybe I'll get sick again!  Hill People, fear my rage!!!  Set your beers down and pull the #3 blanket up over your heads!!!
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grampster

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« Reply #21 on: May 15, 2006, 10:36:19 AM »
You think no side effects?   I have noticed a wierd neon yellow pulsating light to the south of Newaygo County.  There have also been sightings of zombie bears with wild eyes reportedly lurching ever northward.
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El Tejon

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« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2006, 10:41:31 AM »
grampster, Dr. Badger prescribes tinfoil and lots of it!:D
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ArmandTanzarian

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2006, 04:33:27 PM »
Well maybe you'll hit more home runs than usual this year!
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Winston Smith

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El T on the juice!
« Reply #24 on: May 15, 2006, 08:33:14 PM »
Well after you come down from the LSD it should be all right Blackburn, the little CIA bugs will stop crawling on you.
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