Help a writer get a gun-related sentence right?

[brimic]

She loaded a fabulous cartridge into the chamber.

[Tallpine]

Is it a Sharps with a vernier sight and and extra four inches of barrel ?

Then it would be a special .45-110 cartridge with a paper patched bullet 

[SADShooter]

Rather than spiffing up the term for cartridge, why not focus on wratcheting up tension in the event sequence instead?

Brad

I'm with Brad. Imagery is as important as terminology

"Then, with cold, calculated precision, she cycled the action of the rifle, sending the cartridge gliding smoothly into the chamber."

[geronimotwo]

evil black assualt cartridge?  deadly?  custom?

[griz]

Mostly I liked the idea of leaving it blank or spicing up the "loading" part of the action, but here are a few more depending on context:

deadly
rimmed
tapered
slick
cold
or if she writes for a liberal paper, "cop killer assault rifle radio active poisonous high power full capacity evil"

[Hawkmoon]

"Then, with cold, calculated precision, she cycled the action of the rifle, sending the cartridge gliding smoothly into the chamber."

Ah ... so we're NOT dealing with a Mosin-Nagant, then.

What I think I should do is direct her to this thread, and invite her to come back with other parts of her book that pertain to guns so we can help.

Absolutely. Tell her to bring it on. I have been paid (on occasion) as both a [technical] writer and an editor, so that makes me a "professional." I'm happy to offer advice. (Which will, of course, be worth every every peso she pays for it.)

[SADShooter]

Ah ... so we're NOT dealing with a Mosin-Nagant, then.

Absolutely. Tell her to bring it on. I have been paid (on occasion) as both a [technical] writer and an editor, so that makes me a "professional." I'm happy to offer advice. (Which will, of course, be worth every every peso she pays for it.)

Assumption, absent context.

"Then, with mingled hope and desperation, she cycled the action of the rifle, praying all her strength would force the cartridge into the chamber."

[Marnoot]

Assumption, absent context.

"Then, with mingled hope and desperation, she cycled the action of the rifle, praying all her strength would force the cartridge into the chamber."

Never had a problem chambering a round on mine. Extracting them on the other hand . . .

[Hawkmoon]

Never had a problem chambering a round on mine. Extracting them on the other hand . . .

Chambering, yes. "Gliding smoothly" into the chamber? Less likely.

[Marnoot]

Chambering, yes. "Gliding smoothly" into the chamber? Less likely.

Yeah true, not much gliding of any sort going on there. My poor 91/40 and M44 have been kicked open on occasion. My M38 is (slightly) better behaved for whatever reason.

[brimic]

The rifles given to the proletariat in the workers' paradise were very rough and poor examples of gunsmithing.
Capture the same rifles, and rework them using skilled smiths at Sako or Tikka, and you end up with a very smooth, nicely functioning, and accurate firearm.