Dads are important. Duh!

[vaskidmark]

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/the-distinct-positive-impact-of-a-good-dad/276874/

Pruett's argument is that fathers often engage their children in ways that differ from the ways in which mothers engage their children. .... there are at least four ways, spelled out in my new book, Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives (co-edited with Kathleen Kovner Kline), that today's dads tend to make distinctive contributions to their children's lives:

IMHO this should have had the place of honor:

Dad's discipline: Although mothers typically discipline their children more often than do fathers, dads' disciplinary style is distinctive. In surveying the research on gender and parenthood for our book, Palkovitz observes that fathers tend to be firmer with their children, compared to mothers. Based on their extensive clinical experience, and a longitudinal study of 17 stay-at-home fathers, Kyle Pruett and psychologist Marsha Kline Pruett agree. In Partnership Parenting they write, "Fathers tend to be more willing than mothers to confront their children and enforce discipline, leaving their children with the impression that they in fact have more authority." By contrast, mothers are more likely to reason with their children, to be flexible in disciplinary situations, and to rely on their emotional ties to a child to encourage her to behave. ....

I do not see the palm of the hand as the best way to confront your child and enforce discipline.  However, it seems to me that dads are more absolute in the setting and enforcing of standards., and more likely to impose discipline that both addresses the inappropriate behavior (as opposed to how he feels when you do x*) and carries a non-negotiable consequence.

stay safe.

* - With the exception of "Do you know what it is like to have to come home and listen to your mother tell me not only what you did but how she (#@%^*^##@ muttered under his breath) feels when you do that?"

[BlueStarLizzard]

(here's your thread drift in the first responce to the OP, bam! Cause that's how I roll)

I always think that the diffrent disapline that most fathers use leads to a sort of right of passage for kids on to adulthood.

The moment where you buck up to dad, you are right to do so, and, as odd as it sounds, I think it's very important. With a good father, it isn't the end of being a dad or a sign of everything going to hell, it's that mark of "OK, you've made this decision based on adult rational thought and, while I might disagree with you, you're an all grown up now."

You don't have that moment with mothers as much, but the moment that you come to a point where you're both willing to defy the patirarch and can do so in a responcible and adult fasion is important.

I imagine, for the dads, it's also rather bittersweet. I know my Dad kind of shook he's head and had a sad smile.

[RoadKingLarry]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKP2J1iZeTQ

[Tallpine]

(here's your thread drift in the first responce to the OP, bam! Cause that's how I roll)

I always think that the diffrent disapline that most fathers use leads to a sort of right of passage for kids on to adulthood.

The moment where you buck up to dad, you are right to do so, and, as odd as it sounds, I think it's very important. With a good father, it isn't the end of being a dad or a sign of everything going to hell, it's that mark of "OK, you've made this decision based on adult rational thought and, while I might disagree with you, you're an all grown up now."

You don't have that moment with mothers as much, but the moment that you come to a point where you're both willing to defy the patirarch and can do so in a responcible and adult fasion is important.

I imagine, for the dads, it's also rather bittersweet. I know my Dad kind of shook he's head and had a sad smile.

I always thought my job as a parent was to work myself out of a job 

[Kingcreek]

I always thought my job as a parent was to work myself out of a job 

Right on. That and to keep them alive and healthy until they are old enough to figure it out.

[Perd Hapley]

(here's your thread drift in the first responce to the OP, bam! Cause that's how I roll)

I always think that the diffrent disapline that most fathers use leads to a sort of right of passage for kids on to adulthood.

The moment where you buck up to dad, you are right to do so, and, as odd as it sounds, I think it's very important. With a good father, it isn't the end of being a dad or a sign of everything going to hell, it's that mark of "OK, you've made this decision based on adult rational thought and, while I might disagree with you, you're an all grown up now."

You don't have that moment with mothers as much, but the moment that you come to a point where you're both willing to defy the patirarch and can do so in a responcible and adult fasion is important.

I imagine, for the dads, it's also rather bittersweet. I know my Dad kind of shook he's head and had a sad smile.

I don't recall having any such moment in my life. I don't recall us having any disagreements like that.

Anybody else find this to be a common experience? What sort of things are sons "bucking up" about?

[Tallpine]

I don't recall having any such moment in my life. I don't recall us having any disagreements like that.

That's because it hasn't happened yet 

 

[Perd Hapley]

We got a little angry with each other over politics a few years ago, but I don't know if that really counts. I don't think he ever presumed to tell me how to vote, so it didn't really take any bucking up. We just disagreed. He's always been more third-party than I have.

[lee n. field]

I always thought my job as a parent was to work myself out of a job  

Yep.  What you're trying to do is raise up adults.

it was fun to watch the kiddies try to play off both parents, and throw that right back at them.  "Well, what did your Mom say?"

[vaskidmark]

I don't recall having any such moment in my life. I don't recall us having any disagreements like that.

Anybody else find this to be a common experience? What sort of things are sons "bucking up" about?

Among other things, dad was physically abusive till I was a little more than 13.  He was about to beat me one day and I said to him I was not going to let him do it any more.  There was a stand-off for what seemed like minutes but was probably only a few seconds.  According to what my mom told me later I had a look on my face she described as "willing to die".  Guess dad was not.  The physical abuse stopped.  I remained at home for about another year and a half, them moved in with some friends till I graduated high school at 15 1/2.

The Former Daughter declared she was old enough to make her own decisions several times in her life.  She waited till she was out on her own both physically and financially before declaring that she was actually grown up.  Unfortunately, a few years later she started proving that by making life choices that neither I nor G*d could fix.  Not saying that parents should fix all the stuff their kids do/get into but there is a point where being a parent means you realize you need to stop trying if you want to let the kid grow up.  She seems to have survived (as in not being dead and nor being in jail (although came real close a few times).

stay safe.

[dogmush]

I don't recall having any such moment in my life. I don't recall us having any disagreements like that.

Anybody else find this to be a common experience? What sort of things are sons "bucking up" about?

Yeah, my dad and I got into it about what his yelling (he wasn't abusive at all, just yelled a lot.  as a 17yo I probably deserved it).  There were several me bucking up times till we finally realized we just had to give each other a wide berth till I left.  I left not long after.  With perspective I realized he was concerned about bad choices I was making, and he realized he had to let me make them and learn myself.

We get along great now.

[roo_ster]

I don't recall having any such moment in my life. I don't recall us having any disagreements like that.

Anybody else find this to be a common experience? What sort of things are sons "bucking up" about?

Same here. 

My dad is a reasonable, respectable man and was a better than average father.  I was able to appreciate the time and dollar cost of supporting my minor self and was disinclined to be an ass toward the man that had helped raise me.  We had disagreements on things and he fell down on the job in a few areas.  Big whoop.  Being disrespectful to a decent man, under his own roof, who is busting his hump for your upkeep is not something I would think appropriate in any way.

To sum up, I think such a confrontation is unlikely when neither is a chowder head.

[BlueStarLizzard]

Same here. 

My dad is a reasonable, respectable man and was a better than average father.  I was able to appreciate the time and dollar cost of supporting my minor self and was disinclined to be an ass toward the man that had helped raise me.  We had disagreements on things and he fell down on the job in a few areas.  Big whoop.  Being disrespectful to a decent man, under his own roof, who is busting his hump for your upkeep is not something I would think appropriate in any way.

To sum up, I think such a confrontation is unlikely when neither is a chowder head.

Good god, why are you people so oblivious?

I didn't say anything about being disrespectful or being an ass.

Actually, the whole point was the oppesite.

The point when you can say to your father "I respect you and your opinion and I love you, but I am doing things my way because of my opinions." is what I am talking about.

Good grief! it is actually possible to disagree with your parents without being a jerk. I feel that to be an adult, at some point you have to. It's not like they can run your life forever.

[Jamisjockey]

(here's your thread drift in the first responce to the OP, bam! Cause that's how I roll)

I always think that the diffrent disapline that most fathers use leads to a sort of right of passage for kids on to adulthood.

The moment where you buck up to dad, you are right to do so, and, as odd as it sounds, I think it's very important. With a good father, it isn't the end of being a dad or a sign of everything going to hell, it's that mark of "OK, you've made this decision based on adult rational thought and, while I might disagree with you, you're an all grown up now."

You don't have that moment with mothers as much, but the moment that you come to a point where you're both willing to defy the patirarch and can do so in a responcible and adult fasion is important.

I imagine, for the dads, it's also rather bittersweet. I know my Dad kind of shook he's head and had a sad smile.

I approach parenting with an increasing and accelerating range of freedom and responsibility that hopefully should avoid that "buck up" response.  Eventually, responsibility will be foisted to the point that the child is expected to accomplish his life with very little supervision.
My kids will also be experiencing a rite of passage at age 13 to open the door to adult hood.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

the old mans goal was to raise us so we could stand on our own.  it worked a lil faster on me than he mighta liked/planned and i left a lil earlier than most. he eased up on lil bro and he stayed home till his late 20's

[roo_ster]

the old mans goal was to raise us so we could stand on our own.  it worked a lil faster on me than he mighta liked/planned and i left a lil earlier than most. he eased up on lil bro and he stayed home till his late 20's

Yeah I think I would do a better job the second time around.  Just when you have messed up enough to finally get it right they up and grow on you making your new hard won parenting skills obsolete.

[Perd Hapley]

The point when you can say to your father "I respect you and your opinion and I love you, but I am doing things my way because of my opinions." is what I am talking about.

Good grief! it is actually possible to disagree with your parents without being a jerk. I feel that to be an adult, at some point you have to. It's not like they can run your life forever.

I didn't think you were talking about being a jerk. But I guess I also never felt like my parents were trying to run my life.

Maybe I can't relate to what you're saying, because I find that most changes in life occur gradually, rather than in dramatic moments. "Buck up" seems like a dramatic moment. But perhaps that's not what you meant.

[Northwoods]

Yeah I think I would do a better job the second time around.  Just when you have messed up enough to finally get it right they up and grow on you making your new hard won parenting skills obsolete.

That's one advantage of having 4 kids.  The older onrs get to teach us how to be better parents to the younger ones.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

I sometimes wonder about a genetic component to bucking  up my nephew is a lot like me only not as bad.  my parents first move was to be stricter and that didn't work out real well I responded by getting worse real bad

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