Parktard gets his comeuppance

[Brad Johnson]

I hate parktards. Hate 'em. With a passion. I try very hard to precision park in  the center of spaces so drivers on either side have as much room as possible. People who park like idiots bug me. People who use two spaces intentionally just plain piss me off.

Out running errands and watched a parktard Supreme Leader get his. He parked his Mercedes across two spaces. Obviously intentional, and the car was detailed to perfection. Much to everyone else's amusement one space was a towing-enforced handicap spot. Towing-enforcment is pretty rare around here but this spot just happened to be in front of a store that serves seniors. 


The tow truck was there in less than ten minutes. Captain Parktard came out just in time to see his Merc gliding smoothly out of the lot. I was close enough to hear him screaming about how he was already late for his flight and was going to miss it for sure. The seniors near him? No sympathy at all. 

Brad

[zxcvbob]

If he was late for his flight, why did he stop at the store?  Some people just don't think.

[brimic]

I hate parktards. Hate 'em. With a passion. I try very hard to precision park in  the center of spaces so drivers on either side have as much room as possible. People who park like idiots bug me. People who use two spaces intentionally just plain piss me off.

I know what you mean. Its a serious breach of a social contract which plays havok on those who have a sense of right and wrong and justice.

My pet peave has to do with those who pass in a parking lane- as in pulling up into the right turn only lane at a stop light then racing across the intersection when the light turns green. Its selfish and narcissistic to do this, but far worse if they are the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th car in that lane that does the same thing- they cause a very dangerous situation for those in the correct lane because they eventually have to cut someone off to avoid parked cars. I refuse to yield to these *expletive deleted*s, and have nearly caused a few of them to hit me or a parked car in the past. *expletive deleted*ing ghetto *expletive deleted*s.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

My old landlady was in a chair. She was in her 60's and worked fir the national organization on disability. She was militant. I used to drive her around in an effort to save innocent lives ( her driving brought more people to Jesus than billy grahm) we pulled up in front of the hardware store and she witnessed a 30 something yuppie park his BMW in the handicapped space. She rolled over with her ball peen hammer and went to town while he was in store. It was epic. We went in and we could hear him shrieking . She confronted him and backed him down. He drove away


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[KD5NRH]

Ever seen the look on a punk's face when he finds "F___ YOU" carved into his paint job in at least three places with a cordless angle grinder and sanding wheel?

If you did, I hope you got a pic, because I didn't stick around to see the result.  I also made sure not to get a good look at the guy with the grinder or his vehicle.  The offending car was pulled about two thirds of the way into a straight in parking space at an angle that blocked in the car on his left.  Grinder guy seemed to be taking extra care to keep sparks off the blocked car, so he might have been helping out a friend.

[Devonai]

One thing I liked about owning a Subaru Justy was that if I found someone parked across two spaces (lengthwise) I could still park there.

:evil:

[Ben]

As far as parktards go, the worst offenders to me (and it sounds like I have company) are the ones that purposely take up multiple spaces.

People that park crooked, or are on the line in their space, get the "annoyed Ben" reaction because I don't always know the circumstances. They may be retarded, or they may have been trying to get into their space based on someone in an adjoining stall parking badly. If that person leaves, it makes the person still there look like they didn't know what they were doing when they may have just been adjusting to circumstances.

The jackasses that park in the middle of two or three spaces though - they need to go to the special hell.

[vaskidmark]

You want tp protect your ride's paint job from door dings, shopping cart scrapes, and the like.  There's that whole back 40 part of the lot over there just waiting for you to pick two or three spaces to call your own.

Parktard slid into two spaces such that his front end was a bit back from the end of the slot.  That meant his back end was also so situated.  Guy I had never met before looked at me comming from the directionm opposite to him, did the hand-arm Indian sign language thing, and we pulled into the spaces either side of the parktard.  Really close to his front & rear ends.  As in not much more than an inch from his front corner & opposite rear corner.  Got out and the guy asked if I wanted to sit on the shopping car corral railing to wait till the guy came out.  I said I'd join him for a little while.

Parktard came out and started squealing like a stuck pig.  Jumped up and down a lot, too.  Got on his phone and made what seemed like a couple of calls.  About 5 minutes later the shopping center security golf cart rolled up.  Security golf cart guy assured the parktard the problem would be taken care of.  10 minutes later local cop cruiser coasts to a stop in front of the parktard's ride.  Cop looks at the situation, gets a tape measure out and checks distances from the painted lines of all the vehicles.  Whips out his citation book and starts writing.  Finished one citation and started in on another one.  Five in all.  Eases them all under the parktard's windshield wiper blade and tells the guy he's got 5 minutes to move his car or have it impounded.

No way parktard could make the bazillion back&forths needed to get out without hitting one or the other of the vehicles parked on either side of him.  Parktard studies the situation and realizes he is truely scrood, and utters a choice phrase or three in frustration.  Cuffs come out and cop puts him in the back of the cruiser to see the magistrate about cursing in public.  Cop calls for a tow.

By that time me and the other guy are way past giggling.  Cop comes over and asks us if we would please move our vehicles out of the way when the towtruck shows up.  Also tells us both our vehicles were legally parked based on distance from the painted line.

By the time this had all played out I had forgotten what I was there to buy.  Took me two days to figure that out.  And no, I still don't make shopping lists.

stay safe.

[Angel Eyes]

One thing I liked about owning a Subaru Justy was that if I found someone parked across two spaces (lengthwise) I could still park there.

:evil:

A friend of mine used to drive a Honda N600, with the same benefit. 

On day we went to the movies and saw a brand new BMW taking two spaces in a crowded parking lot.  Had just enough room to park in the remaining half space.  Unfortunately we weren't around to see the parktard's reaction, but the Honda had not been molested.

[KD5NRH]

Parktard slid into two spaces such that his front end was a bit back from the end of the slot.  That meant his back end was also so situated.  Guy I had never met before looked at me comming from the directionm opposite to him, did the hand-arm Indian sign language thing, and we pulled into the spaces either side of the parktard.  Really close to his front & rear ends.  As in not much more than an inch from his front corner & opposite rear corner.  Got out and the guy asked if I wanted to sit on the shopping car corral railing to wait till the guy came out.  I said I'd join him for a little while.

I miss owning two running beaters.  May have to fix that soon.  It was fun to box in the twit that liked to center up exactly on the line between the two most convenient spaces at my old apartment.  The Mazda Protege and the Dodge Colt would just fit inside the lines on both sides with the mirrors folded.  I'm not sure he would have even been able to open the doors enough for the inside of the door to pass the body metal.

[charby]

I read the OP as Packtards, thinking ravenous Packers fans.

[brimic]

I read the OP as Packtards, thinking ravenous Packers fans.

Hey! At least we have an NFL team.   

[charby]

Hey! At least we have an NFL team.   

True, but I figured Brad, a native Texan was going to complain about the Packers' little victory the other weekend. 

[bedlamite]

Hey! At least we have an NFL team.   

I'm not entirely convinced that's a good thing.

[lupinus]

You want tp protect your ride's paint job from door dings, shopping cart scrapes, and the like.  There's that whole back 40 part of the lot over there just waiting for you to pick two or three spaces to call your own.

Parktard slid into two spaces such that his front end was a bit back from the end of the slot.  That meant his back end was also so situated.  Guy I had never met before looked at me comming from the directionm opposite to him, did the hand-arm Indian sign language thing, and we pulled into the spaces either side of the parktard.  Really close to his front & rear ends.  As in not much more than an inch from his front corner & opposite rear corner.  Got out and the guy asked if I wanted to sit on the shopping car corral railing to wait till the guy came out.  I said I'd join him for a little while.

Parktard came out and started squealing like a stuck pig.  Jumped up and down a lot, too.  Got on his phone and made what seemed like a couple of calls.  About 5 minutes later the shopping center security golf cart rolled up.  Security golf cart guy assured the parktard the problem would be taken care of.  10 minutes later local cop cruiser coasts to a stop in front of the parktard's ride.  Cop looks at the situation, gets a tape measure out and checks distances from the painted lines of all the vehicles.  Whips out his citation book and starts writing.  Finished one citation and started in on another one.  Five in all.  Eases them all under the parktard's windshield wiper blade and tells the guy he's got 5 minutes to move his car or have it impounded.

No way parktard could make the bazillion back&forths needed to get out without hitting one or the other of the vehicles parked on either side of him.  Parktard studies the situation and realizes he is truely scrood, and utters a choice phrase or three in frustration.  Cuffs come out and cop puts him in the back of the cruiser to see the magistrate about cursing in public.  Cop calls for a tow.

By that time me and the other guy are way past giggling.  Cop comes over and asks us if we would please move our vehicles out of the way when the towtruck shows up.  Also tells us both our vehicles were legally parked based on distance from the painted line.

By the time this had all played out I had forgotten what I was there to buy.  Took me two days to figure that out.  And no, I still don't make shopping lists.

stay safe.

Ok. You get to be my hero for the day.

My other favorite are the ones who use the fire lane, particuarly right in front of the store and where it's as narrow as possible.

[MillCreek]

True, but I figured Brad, a native Texan was going to complain about the Packers' little victory the other weekend. 

We are going to be keenly interested to see what happens on Sunday in Seattle.

[lee n. field]

The tow truck was there in less than ten minutes. Captain Parktard came out just in time to see his Merc gliding smoothly out of the lot. I was close enough to hear him screaming about how he was already late for his flight and was going to miss it for sure. The seniors near him? No sympathy at all.  grin

He should be glad it's not lying on its hood, burning.

[Ben]

You want tp protect your ride's paint job from door dings, shopping cart scrapes, and the like.  There's that whole back 40 part of the lot over there just waiting for you to pick two or three spaces to call your own.

Exactly. Who cares back there? I park in the back 40 myself sometimes with my truck when I'm in parking lots with stall lines painted the width of a Prius, just so I can get in and out of the damn truck (I still only use one stall).

And yeah, that's an awesome story. I only wish it were a video. 

[230RN]

Even before I got my own handicapped sticker, I used to pal around with a feisty (yet loveable) elderly lady who had a card full of self-sticking labels  which advised the stickee  in no uncertain terms that they were parked in handicapped spots.  (It also cited the statute and penalties.)

The stickee would receive this advice on the driver's window.

She was real good at calc'latin' perzactly where to stick the sticker to interfere with the stickee's driving vision.  She'd also clean the glass off at that spot, sometimes.

I  used to cringe when she did this and frankly, tried to stand apart from her so nobody would associate me and her while she did the deed.  Then she'd hobble over to me and I'd take her arm and walk into the store as if we were both innocent babes.

Nowadays, I don't do anything about it unless I see someone just getting out of their car without a hang tag and I'll maybe just give them the stinkeye after very obviously checking to see if they've got an HC license plate.  Most of the time they just forgot to hang it up and dig it out of their glovebox or whatever.

I don't push it more than that since I got my CCW, though.  I just obviously shake my head and hobble into the store, hoping that shame works.

BTW, I thought there was a site restriction on recommending illegal actions (like vandalizing the other guy's car) so I recommend y'all go back and either "fictionalize" your posts* or put a "not recommended" disclaimer in them.  

withagrin, Terry

* "I heard about a guy who..."

[Perd Hapley]

Hey! At least we have an NFL team.   

Rumor has it we're losing ours. I am much distraught.     

[Scout26]

Terry is correct.

Everyone who discussed or advocated for illegal activities, like vandalism, needs to go back and edit their posts.

Or they will be made to go *POOF*.

[RoadKingLarry]

I've probably told this here before...
1981 I was going through school at Corey Station in Pensacola. Parking was on the disused runways. We had ample parking.
On paydays we would get a little extension on our lunch breaks. One payday myself and 3 classmates were going to make a run to the bank and grab lunch. We got to my car and some doosh with a triumph shitfire had parked behind me and blocked me in.
Being that I had parked close to the edge of the pavement we were close to the trees. The trees were smallish pine trees 6-10" in diam. Fairly evenly spaced. Conveniently a Triumph shitfire was just long enough to fit between two trees and 4 annoyed sailors were just strong enough make it happen.

[HankB]

The woman who went to work with a ball peen hammer on the BMW is very, very lucky that the owner didn't go to work on her with equal vigor.  



Four small pebbles are usually very easy to find in a typical parking lot . . .  



eta: we don't advocate or condone vandalism

[Andiron]

The woman who went to work with a ball peen hammer on the BMW is very, very lucky that the owner didn't go to work on her with equal vigor. 

On the other hand . . . did you know that if you put a little pebble under the cap on the tire valve, you can let the air out of the tires automatically?

Four small pebbles are usually very easy to find in a typical parking lot . . . 

BTDT.  Local punk with a little truck with an obscenely loud system,  leaving his girlfriends place across from mine at a regular interval.  Fart can exhaust,  enough speakers and subs to run a Slayer concert. 

Seems he had bead issues with his tires at some point.  No idea how it happened.

[dogmush]

I'd be interested in what you guys would do if someone did your cars the way you laugh about.  I'm sure there is some aspect of your Personality that rubs others as raw as loud speakers do you.

Skid did it right.  Follow the law and watch.

Damaging peoples property or risking their life (ever had a tire go flat at speed) just makes for juvenile douches. Seriously. Check yourselves.  You think it's OK to do thousands of dollars of damage and commit a felony for bad parking?  Grow the *expletive deleted*ck up.