Cars Vs. Bullets, done!

[TMM]

Thanks you guys for your help! i thought i'd show you what you helped me write as a thanks. firstly, here's the bit where i used to have the broken brake line, but changed it to the coolant hose. the situation here is three new people arrive[JIM, KRISTI, and ALEX] to help the original group, right after the shootout.
------------------------------------------------------
JIM

Looks like you needed some help! You guys alright?

PHIL

Yea. Don't know about the truck though.

JIM places his rifle in the truck bed and hops down. He has a pistol on his waist. He starts walking toward PHIL.

JIM

Well, if the truck -

PHIL raises his 1911 and aims it at JIM.

PHIL

Remember, I don't trust you yet.

JIM backs away, hands slightly up.

JIM

I just wanted to see if your truck was repairable! I just want to help...

PHIL nods and lowers his pistol.

PHIL

Just go slow. All the damage is on the other side.

PHIL motions and walks over, JIM following. FRANK, GRAHAM, and LOUIE follow. KRISTI jumps out and follows at a distance, as does ALEX. JIM inspects the bullet holes, most of which are on the upper part of the truck bed. JIM points to the ground near the front of the truck. There is a liquid of some sort on the ground.

JIM

Look! Something is leaking on the ground.

ALEX steps forward and inspects the fluid. He then gets up, saying:

ALEX

Could you pop the hood? I bet it's a coolant leak.

PHIL nods in agreement and goes into the truck, and pops the hood. ALEX messes around inside the engine for a little bit.

ALEX

Yup, a coolant hose was torn up by a bullet. I can fix it for you guys if you want.

PHIL begins to warm up to the new trio.

PHIL

Really? Could you?

ALEX nods.

ALEX

Just need a few tools that are in my truck, and maybe half an hour.

After a moment, PHIL smiles. He extends his hand, and says,

PHIL

My name's Phil.

---<CUT>---

At this point, ALEX comes out from under the hood with an empty coolant bottle in his hands and says:

ALEX

Got it! I fixed it with a piece of tubing and some band clamps. The store here had coolant that I poured in to replace what was lost.

PHIL

Excellent! Alex, I really appreciate it.

ALEX

I'm glad I could help!

------------------------------------------------------

Next part is where the tran-pan breaks.
------------------------------------------------------
INT. PHIL'S TRUCK  DAY

GRAHAM

Hey, look. [pointing] looks like there's a live zombie on the road up a ways.

PHIL

Betcha I can run right over his head!

GRAHAM

You're on! I'll watch through the mirror.

PHIL drives, aiming at the zombie, and GRAHAM looks out the right side mirror. They hit the zombie with a jolt, and just as they begin to laugh, there is a extremely loud metallic crash, and the rear of the truck temporarily looses traction, fishtailing on the road. We can now see from the rear view mirror the crushed zombie, a two pieces of metal with will turn out to be the transmission pan, and a big puddle of reddish fluid. Cursing, PHIL maneuvers the truck to the side of the road and hits the brakes, then kills the engine. They get out as ALEX drives up in his truck and his two companions exit the truck with him.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

ALEX

I saw you spin out! What happened?

PHIL

I don't know! I ran over the zombie and there was this clatter, and I started spinning!

ALEX

Well, let's go over and see what happened.

The camera is now stationed at the area of failure, and everyone is jogging up to the area. ALEX comes up to the puddle, touches the fluid, rubs it between his fingers, and smells it. He then sees the transmission pan, lying broken, on the ground. He walks up to it, and picks it up.

ALEX

Oh, nuts... You know what this is?

ALEX holds up the two broken pieces, and everyone shrugs.

ALEX

You just broke the piece that holds your transmission fluid inside your truck. The reason you skidded is probably because the wheel slipped on the oil. Now, I'd say, you're pretty much screwed. Is your truck a stick shift?

PHIL

Yea...

ALEX

Well, in that case, I'd bet you've got a few more miles until your tranny shreds itself to pieces and seizes up, since it's got no more fluid.

ALEX throws the pieces to the ground and shakes his head sadly. The rest of the group looks anxious, nervous, etc.

PHIL

Well, you said we've got a few more miles. I'd say let's go until the truck doesn't go any further, then we can switch my trailer to your truck and keep going.

ALEX

Alright. Let's get moving.


------------------------------------------------------

Thanks again,

~tmm

[Parker Dean]

Minor nitpick.

Manual transmissions, as a general rule, don't have pans like an automatic. The case is usually solid across the bottom. You can crack 'em with a hard hit like a collision, but most of the time debris will not suffice.

[280plus]

yup, easier to take out the oil pan on the motor, don't ask me how I know... 

[roo_ster]

You ever see a 4x4 pickup or SUV with a big plate bolted under the engine?  That is so a rock does not rip out the oil pan.  Maybe a zombie head or a zombie carrying a metal object that get run over could do the trick.

[charby]

Coolent hose repair.. about 3 minutes with duct tape.  I fixed one with it, got me the last 30 miles home.

Zombie has an axe.. axe rips hole in side of oil pan as truck goes over it. Show the axe doing damage in an extreme closeup

Plus don't go into dialog about the problem, just basically say

"Ah F**K!, goddamn oil pan has a f**king hole in it, were f**ked!"

[TMM]

Thanks for the reviews! i knew what's done isn't done... i'll fix it tomorrow [too damn lazy to type it tonight... just wrote a stressful paper for school]

~tmm

[Mabs2]

Didn't you say this is a screenplay?  So this is going to converted to video? D:

[TMM]

yup, it's a screenplay. someday, i may make it into a movie.

[TMM]

I modified the second problem to an oil pan leak...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXT. HIGHWAY  DAY

PHIL pulls over, followed by ALEX. Everyone gets out and stretches their legs. ALEX walks up to PHIL

ALEX

So what was up? Just that noise?

PHIL

Yea... no idea what it is, just kinda started a while back...

ALEX
[starting to look around the truck]

Well, I'll give it a once-over...

Something catches ALEX'S eye. He crawls under the truck and touches a dark puddle of liquid on the ground under the engine.

ALEX

Err.. what is this...?

ALEX gets out from the truck and rubs the liquid between his fingers. It is engine oil.

ALEX

Nuts. Phil, pop the hood.

PHIL does so. ALEX goes into the engine and, with the aid of a rag or shirt-sleeve for the heat, pulls out the oil dipstick, wipes it off, re-inserts it, and looks at the oil level.

ALEX

You're leaking oil, Phil. You barely got any oil in here. I bet the oil pan was cracked at that gunfight and leaked since.

LOUIE

Will it still run alright?

ALEX

Sorry Louie, no chance. Once the oil's gone it's only a matter of time until your engine seizes.

PHIL
[shaking head]

*expletive deleted*it. Well, I've probably got a quart somewhere, if it'll do anything.

ALEX

It'll be a waste of oil. The oil pan crack will only worsen, and, oh, crap! Behind you!

ALEX points to a zombie in the forest. More are following. FRANK runs up to it and beats it over the head with his crowbar.

ALEX

Let's get out of here! Drive your truck until it seizes, Phil -

FRANK clubs another zombie over the head with his crowbar and LOUIE comes in with his machete. KRISTI knocks one off with a baseball bat. Everyone begins to retreat to their trucks.

ALEX

Come on! Let's get out of this place!

Everyone scrambles inside, and both PHIL and ALEX gun their engines and race off, PHIL'S truck making it's same squealing noise.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~tmm

[charby]

Much better, less dialog on the problem, remember the main focus is zombies not mechanics. People in fight or flight mode are not going to go into more dialog than neccessary to accomplish the task at hand.

remember it is a horror movie so you need full frontal nudity at sometime.

-C

[mfree]

Cute female full frontal, at that.  :-D

[280plus]

I like the part where he beats the zombie on the head with his crowbar. 

[charby]

Also an engine low on oil or no oil is going to make a loud mechanical rattle/clatter not a squeal. 

Squeals are associated with rubber rubbing on metal, i.e. belts.

-C

[280plus]

Squeals are associated with rubber rubbing on metal, i.e. belts

and Ned Beatty...

[TMM]

Thanks guys! i'm glad you like it - i like it more, as well.

charby: thanks for the heads up, i will change it.

full-frontal, cute-female nudity: sounds good... i might be able to work it in for Kristi, since she's the only girl, and i plan to write it so her and Graham hook up. maybe they find an abandoned hotel...hmmmmmm.....

Yea, i like the crobar bit too. but it's be better if you knew what Frank looks like -i actually based him and Louie on real people i met at a bar. Frank is this giant muscle-y guy [they call him frankie-muscles at the bar] with a very hairy chest, back, and arms, and a bulged, dented, and ugly face with a giant scar down one side of his neck. he looks like an ape. seriously.

~tmm