Prom, The Bittersweet story

[TMM]

Well, as you guys asked, and i promised, i come bearing photos and stories of The Big Night.

So, we met at a friend's house where the limo was to pick us up. she arrived, looking like a million dollars. after introductions and such, it was corsage time:

and she also gave me a white rose boutonniere.[sp?]

so we all took some group photos and such, and headed out to the limo for a final photo session:[my favorite picture!]


we arrived at the prom, talked, BS'ed,[and i found out that she reads Bukowski AND knows my favorite poem of his! i nearly *expletive deleted*it when i heard that!] and mingled with others until the doors opened to the main dinner and dance room. She and I found our table, and discussed some good conversational material during the dinner. pleasant and enjoyable, even though the music was too damn loud. it's not very romantic when you have to yell all the time.

ooh, dinner's done... now dancing. crap. i can't do any kind of dance without looking like an idiot, and i don't think it helped that it was some sort of hip-hop rap stuff that was being "danced" to. she had a good laugh at my expense [which i don't mind at all, hey, they got a good laugh out of it] watching my attempts at "moving with the music". she helped me along, and i started getting the hang of it... sortakinda. we played a bastardized version of blackjack with a bunch of unsorted cards [there were 7 aces for all i knew]...mingled with the people...all that. we left to go back home, then to our school to get picked up.

we stood outside in the cool night air, me personally enjoying the quiet. my arm was around her, making me nice and warm [kinda chilly outside], and i was just about on the top of the world. Just about.

but i happened to be standing on a cliff.

i heard the words, "So, what were you wanting to get out of this relationship?". sent up a red flag - why's she asking this? i probably said something like "whatever happens of it" [which really was a lie, i guess]
"because i really just see you as a great friend..."
errrr...
"I actually just recently got out of a really horrible relationship, and i'm really turned off to the whole thing now"
a little side note, the other three of my possible close relationships with girls failed...
"And i don't want a relationship for a long time"
well, at least i have a good friend from this -
"I mean a really long time..."
ooh, salt in the wound... heard that the first time...
I don't really know what she said or I said after that. it was all just a blur, then and now...

Didn't end badly, which i am grateful for, and i do have a new very levelheaded friend, but now i'm batting zero out of four.

well, there's the story. it's late, but i think i covered all the bases, all the important stuff.

'night

~TMM

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

bummer  maybe
cute girl

i've been married to a girl who i was "just friends with" at first. been together 14 years. being friends is good  only downside is she knows way too much about me.

[Perd Hapley]

Yeah, you got stabbed in the heart.  But the important part is, you were lookin' good.   

[Nightfall]

Ouch. Well, at least you have an Indiana Jones hat. That makes up for it. 

[crt360]

That's the way it goes sometimes.  I was the "great friend" and even "one of my best friends" to a few girls I really liked when I was younger.  One of them actually wanted to go out with me, after I moved to another city.  It's hard to figure that stuff out. 

She is cute.  You both looked great. 

[Phantom Warrior]

I'm a bitter, cynical old man (well, I'm only 24, but I feel old) and I have yet to figure out how to charm women, so take my advice w/ a grain of salt.

Be content w/ the friendship you got out of it.  My closest friend that is a girl is someone that I had a huge crush on and who put up with my going "Do you like me now?  Do you like me now?" very patiently for a few years.  She is now a very good friend of mine and I'm absolutely delighted whenever I talk to her.  All my being interested in her really did no good and was just a huge pain.

Enjoy your new friend.  Girls that are friends provide an interesting variety that guy friends don't.  If she ends up liking you, well and good, but just concentrate on enjoying being her friend.  If you simply expect friendship, you win, whatever happens.

[RocketMan]

Sometimes the "just friends" relationships turn out to be the best ones.  They often evolve with the passage of time into much more.
Stay friends with her, see what happens over time.  It may yet work out.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

and one way to find out what kinda friend she wants to be is to ask her friends out if her good friends won't date ya its cause they now she wants to be "better friends"  or that they think she will.

[Ron]

assuming she is good friend material and the fact she is adorable I'd hang in there a while.

If it doesn't look like it is going to develop into what you want then bail.

Unless you got something better waiting in the wings.

[Matthew Carberry]

Ouch. Well, at least you have an Indiana Jones hat. That makes up for it. 

No, that's a man's hat.  Little boys and ballplayers wear caps, men wear hats with brims that go all the way around. 

[Perd Hapley]

No, that's a man's hat.  Little boys and ballplayers wear caps, men wear hats with brims that go all the way around. 

Thanks, carebear.  I thought I was the only one with that point of view. 


Hey, TMM, if she doesn't come around pretty soon, you can always try stalking her until she realizes that you're the one.   

[Matthew Carberry]

www.fedoralounge.com

Sure we got Euros and libs, but everyone has style. 

A surprising number of shooters and libertarians/conservatives as well.


edit - they are very polite and it's a good group of folks, it's like the place Art's Gramma meets with other gramma's to have tea.  NO politics and little religion, everything has to tie back into vintage fashion and lifestyle.  But guns and the military are vintage too, so we get some good pics and discussions and such on the occasion.

And the clothes!

[Vile Nylons]

I was never as weak as when I was desperate, nor as strong as when I couldn't care less. Women are a mind warp.

[Stand_watie]

Kind of a young Humphrey Bogart look you've got going there, Tmm.

[Moondoggie]

You two looked very nice...a class act all the way.

There are a lot of girls on the planet who can be "the right one" for you.  Looks like she's not "the right one" for you....right now.  From what I percieve from your description of the conversation no bridges were burned.  Maybe a door was closed, but they can always open too.  You never know.

You took a chance, you had a good time for the most part, you didn't crash and burn.  You entered a risky arena and made it out alive.  All in all, sounds like a positive experience to me.  

Good for you!

Maybe she was just stressed out by the whole experience, but the way you described the salient conversation it seems to me as if SHE blew it.  This was pretty much a first date situation in a fledgling and undefined relationship.  This was not the time for either of you to start negotiating or declaring "status" and "terms" of your involvement.  I think it was kinda uncool on her part, but you have to factor in her age and experience in adult relationship stuff.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but you never get the chance to find out unless you try.

You seem like a nice guy with a good head on your shoulders.  A "right one" will come along probably sooner than you think and definitely when you don't expect it.  

[Laurent du Var]

You did well TMM. You looked real good did the right thing
and you must  now get out of the friendzone. You don't need
female friends right now, you need to get to know the ladies
up close and personnal. Inside out if you like and then ten years from now
you'll be ready or not to enjoy female friends.

Me too, I enjoyed reading Bukowski when I was 16/17,
I still do from time to time.
Don't discuss him with Girls, because if they read him and know
that you like him too, then you're becoming somewhat less then desireable.
Tell them you like Whitman or Rilke or some such.

Then secretly ditch the Poems and read "Women" that'll teach you.

Oh, I've got to read "Pulp" again to meet Celine at Red's.

   

[grislyatoms]

Hang in there for a bit and see where it goes.

The "I'm not sure what I want right now...It's going to be a long time" stuff is not necessarily the death knell. Better that than a "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you fatal attraction" kind of thing. Been there, lived through it. A couple of times.

Good choice of attire, very classy look. (This from someone who wears jeans and a polo shirt almost every day, even at work.)

Attractive young lady, too.

[roo_ster]

You two make an attractive couple.  You've got a nice hat, but she has a prettier smile...something that transcends the braces.

As to the relationship angle, she is doing you both a favor.  You both are in high school and headed for college.  You have no business getting romantically involved until you can support a family.

Concentrate on schooling, work & such.

Sorry to sound like such a killjoy, but about the only thing HS & college romantic relationships get you is a lot of baggage & bad habits.  And exposure to STDs.

If it is meant to be long-term, it will occur later (post-grad & with gainful employment), after you have both grown up a bit and gotten to know each other much better.

[K Frame]

You can still have a very fulfilling relationship with someone without having a "relationship" of the kind she's talking about.

Face it. You're still in high school, you're what, 17? You're going to be heading to college or the job market, so's she...

The last thing you really want right now is a long-term, hardcore relationship.

[TMM]

Laurent du Var, why not tell her i read Bukowski? how's that change her view of me?

jfruser, damn right she has a great smile. one of the first things i noticed about her.[ actually kinda like the braces though. *shrug*]

although, i disagree with those who say i don't need/shouldn't have/etc a relationship now. High school is known for being crappy, and i want at least something good to come out of it. about a year or two ago i kinda had a relationship kinda thing, except it wasn't, but i did spend a lot of time with her. wasn't an impedance of any sort.

~tmm

[lupinus]

similer problems with my girl, I know the fealin.  Aparently now for wanting to spend time with her I'm acting like a damned stalker.  The female mind annoys me sometimes.

[Antibubba]

Another willing victim of the Prom Industry.  It's so easy to get caught up in "The Big Night", and to read more into it than there really is.  There is something about dressing up like that that even affects us guys.

Take a deep breath, hold it til it hurts, then let it out.  Hopefully you got a decent set of pictures out of it, so you folks can show their friends what how nice you look when you put a little effort into it. 

And remind yourself this:  Prom isn't a "Big Event", just a really nice (expensive) date.

[Ron]

Another willing victim of the Prom Industry.  It's so easy to get caught up in "The Big Night", and to read more into it than there really is.  There is something about dressing up like that that even affects us guys.

Take a deep breath, hold it til it hurts, then let it out.  Hopefully you got a decent set of pictures out of it, so you folks can show their friends what how nice you look when you put a little effort into it.

And remind yourself this:  Prom isn't a "Big Event", just a really nice (expensive) date.

Very true

[nico]

I don't mean for this to sound offensive, but you'll be really surprised: in a few years (your 3rd or 4th year of undergrad), you won't believe how much you've changed/matured and how trivial a lot of things in high school will seem.  When I was in high school, I had a crush on my best friend during my senior year (who I've known since 7th grade).  We both lied about how we couldn't imagine dating because we were like brother and sister.  We went to prom in the same group, but with different dates, and started dating 2 days after we graduated.  We were together all through undergrad and were planning on getting married.  Much to my dismay, she broke up with me out of the blue at the end of my second week of dental school and ended up dating a guy she had met at work within a few weeks (she lives with the guy now).  I was crushed and moped for a few months, but the whole thing ended up to me becoming friends with my current girlfriend of over a year. 

I guess the point of all that rambling is to not sweat it (besides, it'll be much worse when your first love breaks your heart ).  I've always been crappy with girls, but if you just be yourself, everything else will work itself out when you find a girl who has the potential of a long term, serious relationship.  Also, needless to say, but I disagree about not getting in a relationship until you're older and gainfully employed (I'll be 24 next week fwiw).  If I did that, I wouldn't have been with my first true love (key sappy music )

[SomeKid]

BTDT. I am 23, so I hear yah. I can also translate some of what she said into man-speak. Be warned, having dated a bunch of women, and played the game with many more (college is mostly female, which is both a plus and minus), I am something beyond just cynical and jaded.

"So, what were you wanting to get out of this relationship?"

This line sucks, because it has two meanings. The first is where if we say the right thing, we get a happy ending. The second is what it meant for you.

The second meaning: I hope you don't expect me to go on another date with you.

"because i really just see you as a great friend..."

Manspeak: Because I never plan to have sex with you, thanks for the fun time!

"And i don't want a relationship for a long time"

Meaning: I do not want a relationship with you. As you will find out soon enough, having sex with those guys over there - at the same time is not a relationship, just casual fun.

"I mean a really long time..."

Or until I get bored with the random sex, and letting every guy plow me, and want you to support me and everything. Just remember, when this long time comes, I am done giving sex to guys, I want to be fat and do nothing.

Free tip: Do not bother even thinking about relationships, unless you actually want one. And if you do, re think it. School should be priority 1 for you, having fun second. Making a family should be distant and not even third. Also, look up how marriage is for men in the country. Keep in mind, women wear a piece of jewelry worth thousands of dollars, men wear a band not unlike what slaves used to wear...

Because this is APS, I am keeping my personal policy personal, but it worked good for me. message me if you want it.