Tips/Useful Rules for parents of Teenagers.

[Scout26]

I pciked these up from other parents (fathers) of teenagers when I took my daugther to an NRA Youth Shooting Sports Camp.

1.  No "B's", No Keys.   Get a "C" in any class and no driving until the grade(s) come up.

2.  Thinking about having s_x ??  Then just picture me and your mother having s_x....(even worse, picture Grandma and Grandpa......) 

Any others ??  My daughter is 14 and I need all the help/advice I can get.

[grampster]

I am extremely sorry for your condition.

[Dntsycnt]

Lock her in a cage until she's 21.  Other than that, just try to foster an open atmosphere.

[De Selby]

Insist that any time spent with "friends" of the opposite sex be family time-so you can all get to know him better, and so that all of their interactions will be supervised.

[Scout26]

Insist that any time spent with "friends" of the opposite sex be family time-so you can all get to know him better, and so that all of their interactions will be supervised.

That's already handled.  All first dates will at our shooting club.  I'll be the trapper and as she breaks bird after bird after bird, I'll just casually mention that he might not want to do anything that might make her mad or sad... 

[GigaBuist]

Never accuse them of behavior unless you have a good reason to suspect they're up to it.

My parents used to wonder how I'd stay out late with friends and get up so early in the morning with a hangover. Well, didn't have one.  Didn't drink.  Repeat that behavior enough times and guess what?  I might as well drink!  They thought I was doing it anyway.

I'm quite thankful they never accused me of sleeping around.

[nico]

Never accuse them of behavior unless you have a good reason to suspect they're up to it.

My parents used to wonder how I'd stay out late with friends and get up so early in the morning with a hangover. Well, didn't have one.  Didn't drink.  Repeat that behavior enough times and guess what?  I might as well drink!  They thought I was doing it anyway.

I'm quite thankful they never accused me of sleeping around.

This is a good one.  If she already thinks you don't trust her, she'll have no incentive to respect/want/honor your trust.  When I was a teenager, not wanting to disappoint my parents/wanting them to trust me kept me from doing quite a few bad things (but so did knowing they'd have killed me if I did those things ).  It has to be a give and take.

[De Selby]

Insist that any time spent with "friends" of the opposite sex be family time-so you can all get to know him better, and so that all of their interactions will be supervised.

That's already handled.  All first dates will at our shooting club.  I'll be the trapper and as she breaks bird after bird after bird, I'll just casually mention that he might not want to do anything that might make her mad or sad... 

 

Sounds like it's his parents who need to be looking out for junior here.

[Nick1911]

Never accuse them of behavior unless you have a good reason to suspect they're up to it.

My parents used to wonder how I'd stay out late with friends and get up so early in the morning with a hangover. Well, didn't have one.  Didn't drink.  Repeat that behavior enough times and guess what?  I might as well drink!  They thought I was doing it anyway.

I'm quite thankful they never accused me of sleeping around.

This is a good one.  If she already thinks you don't trust her, she'll have no incentive to respect/want/honor your trust.  When I was a teenager, not wanting to disappoint my parents/wanting them to trust me kept me from doing quite a few bad things (but so did knowing they'd have killed me if I did those things ).  It has to be a give and take.

This is how my parents and I worked out.  I was allowed to pursue my interests in high school (Collecting and shooting guns, welding, etc), but I didn't do anything boneheaded that would risk those freedoms.  It was an unsaid agreement, but everyone was happy.

[taurusowner]

As someone who was recently a teenager(I'm 24 now), I can say that "Because I said so" is about the worst answer you can ever give.  Teenagers, despite some evidence to the contrary, are people.  And they do have some limited brain power.  If they see that you have no reason for saying they can't/have to do something other than "you said so", they'll ignore you as fast as they can gt away with it.  I know I did.

Show them why ________ is bad, so they'll actually want to not do it when you're not around.  If the only reason you give is that you want them to, as soon as you're out of the picture, like if they are anywhere other than home, that reason evaporates.  If it's just your desires vs their desires, their's will win every time.  So the key is to show them and nudge them into having their desires more closely match yours.  And "because I said so" doesn't show anything other than the fact you've ran out of rational reasons and are grasping for straws.  And your teens will see that.

[Dntsycnt]

My little sister just ended her freshman year, and is starting the whole "hanging out with guys" thing.  She and a female friend had two guys over to the house for the first time a week or two ago, and me and 5 brothers just happened to be cleaning the shotguns upon their arrival.   

Should have seen their eyes go big.  Like they'd never seen a gun before.  My sister tried to defuse the situation by calling them "BB Guns," but I think they knew that BB guns don't come in twelve gauge and make that nifty sound when you work the action.

 

[MicroBalrog]

Insist that any time spent with "friends" of the opposite sex be family time-so you can all get to know him better, and so that all of their interactions will be supervised.

I am so happy that SS is not my father.

[wmenorr67]

My daughter is 15 and the talk of her "sweet 16" party has come up.  Going to be Feb.  I have told her it will be scheduled for a drill weekend and is going to be at the armory.  The party will be on the drill floor and then a BN's worth of soldiers will be surrounding said drill floor.  There will be a special team with only one mission and that is no boys gets within 4 feet of my little girl.

[Grandpa Shooter]

Never think for a moment that your values are your kid's values or that what you want out of life is what your teenager wants out of life.

You are adult (let's hope) and your child is .....well, a child.  You want to do the right thing, your child wants to do the popular thing.                                          
You want to do what will have the best long term results, your child wants results RIGHT NOW!  
You plan for the future, the future to your child is Friday night.  
Sex to you is the fulfillment of your commitment to your mate, sex to your daughter is what will get the boys attention and sex to your son is what he gets from girls seeking attention.  
You do your parenting duties so that you start your kids off right.  Your kids comply to please you, not because they understand what you are trying to teach.
You talk about the model you hope your children aspire to.  Your children imitate your behavior, not what you talk about.
You only influence your children for the few hours a week you spend with them.  The rest of the time is spent under the influence of their "friends."
Make it your daily business to know who their "friends" are.  If they mention someone you haven't met, make sure to invite them over for a specific meet and greet.  If their answer is, "I don't think _______ would want to come over here, be very afraid.  Those are the ones who will lead your son or daughter astray.

I know, I've been there!

[De Selby]

Insist that any time spent with "friends" of the opposite sex be family time-so you can all get to know him better, and so that all of their interactions will be supervised.

I am so happy that SS is not my father.

So am I-then we'd have no chance to wander the streets looking to start controversial political arguments with drunken bar patrons together.

[wmenorr67]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME____________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________  DRIVERS LICENSE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE___________  POSTODE______

Do you have parents?                     ___Yes  ___No
Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
    ____________________________________________________________________



ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?        __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?                     __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?                                           __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?         __Yes  __No

E. A tattoo?                                                 __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,             __Yes  __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father?  _____________

Mother?_____________

Priest or Pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

    ______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

    ______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

    ______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

    ______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up?  _______________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

F:  When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

    ______________________________________________________________

G:  What is the current going rate of a hotel room?  __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________      ________________________________
Mother's Signature                                              Father's Signature

_______________________________      ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                                            State or Federal Government Representative
_______________________________      (Their stamp goes here )
Notary Public

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not try to call or write.  If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.  (You might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.



Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule One:  If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me.  You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.  If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. 

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.  Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.  Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. 

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you.  Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.  Please do not do this.  The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.  This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.  Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.  If you make her cry, I will make you cry. 

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.  If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.  My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbor Bridge  Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? 

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.  Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.  Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay.  Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better. 

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me.  I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.  But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. 

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid.  It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.  As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight.  Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.

[taurusowner]

Your kids comply to please you, not because they understand what you are trying to teach.

That only works for so long.  When your kid is a kind, than yeah, they may blindly follow.  But once the teenage years set in and the gears in their head start to move, you'd better have a backup plan.  Blind obedience and teenagers are like the ATF and ethics.


Don't lie to them.  They will remember.  I have a feeling a lot of parent/teenager strife is brought on by a sense of innate superiority that some parents have.  Little children are easy to dupe.  You can tell them that fish is chicken if you know they don't like fish and they'll believe you.  You can move the clock hands to convince them it's later than it is.  Little tricks parents play on young children to get compliance.  But that only works at certain ages.  The day will come when your kid isn't a kid anymore.  The day they can think as fast as you can, if not faster.  The little ploys and lies and sneaking/snooping that parents do sometimes get harder to get away with.  And more importantly, if said parent is caught in a lie, the teen will remember.  You've got a daughter and you tell her "I'll respect your space" but she catches you snooping and such, don't think the next time you're asking her things she won't conceal things from you.  In her mind the only words coming out of your mouth from that point on are "You can't really trust me.  I'll go back on what I say because I think being a parent makes me better than you".  Children move from the automaton stage to an independent stage.  Parents, having raised their kids through that automaton stage often fail to understand the switch.  They cannot grasp that the teen may not be the same innocent blindly following 7 year old they remember from a few years back.  Parents tend to cling to principle: "Because I said so" should work because you are the authority figure.  But what should and what is are often not the same.

Don't underestimate the power of making enemies.  Teens have a very self-centered view.  They already see things in a "them vs me" lenses.  If you do things to back that up, you won't be doing yourself or them any favors.

The lesson you may be trying to teach is "don't do this".  But the lesson they are learning is "don't get caught".

I see a lot of joking about locking daughters up or having them followed by a squad of soldiers.  I know it's just joking, but think about that attitude for a minute.  Does that kind of thinking really teach your daughter to want to do the right thing?  Or does it just piss her off enough so she tries harder to get away with doing what she wants.  If you picked the first one, your need a reality check.

Come off the "I'm a parent and I'm always right. end of story" high horse and actually think of ways to get your kids and teens to want to do what's right, whether you're around or not.  I'm not saying be the new age "lets be friends" style parent.  But understand that your actions may have consequences that are unintended.  If you spend all of your parenting time having knee-jerk punishments that aren't consistent or based off real reason, you're just going to make your teen want to do the opposite of what you want, just to piss you off in return Again, the lesson you may be trying to teach is "don't do this".  But the lesson they are learning is "don't get caught".  Figure out how to avoid that, and you'll be golden.

[Kingcreek]

BE THE PARENT.
I cringe when I see parents that think they need to be thier kids best friend first. They have friends, they need parents. My sister got divorced and thought she needed to be her daughter's girlfriend- now she's got a real mess of problems.

[charby]

So a "C" is considered a bad grade now? IIRC "C" ment average.

I can see loosing privileges for D and F but a C? WTF?

[nico]

So a "C" is considered a bad grade now? IIRC "C" ment average.

I can see loosing privileges for D and F but a C? WTF?

It depends.  If she wants to go to college, lots of Cs in high school are bad, but one or two here or there isn't going to kill her.  It's about the GPA more than anything, but not many good colleges will take a kid with <3.0 gpa. 

[Scout26]

So a "C" is considered a bad grade now? IIRC "C" ment average.

I can see loosing privileges for D and F but a C? WTF?

Car insurance companies give substanial discounts for good (B and above) grades.  The better the grade the better the discounts.

[Scout26]

BE THE PARENT.

If I had a nickel for everytime I said that to Mrs. Scout.......

[Headless Thompson Gunner]

So a "C" is considered a bad grade now? IIRC "C" ment average.

I can see loosing privileges for D and F but a C? WTF?

A 'C' is a fine grade...

...if you aspire to being mediocre.

[Balog]

/shrug In my family we were ashamed of anything less than A's. Of course we were home-schooled.

And a +1 to taurusowner. Teens are shallow and self absorbed, but not generally totally impervious to reason. Make them understand the importance and they will try to follow as best they can. The worst things parents can do are massive over-reactions to every little thing and the whole "do as I say not as I do" attitude.

Constantly flipping out over small things just reinforces the concept that your judgement is not to be trusted. It's like profanity. If you use f*** as an all purpose adjective it loses all meaning. But if you usually keep things PG harsher language can still convey a lot of emphasis. Less is more.

And any child learns from observation. If your actions don't match your beliefs they observe your hypocricy and treat your advice with a suitable amount of disdain. Few things are more guaranteed to spur teenage rebellion than an obvious double standard.

[Werewolf]

FWIW - I raised 3 daughters to adulthood. All are now married with children, happy, successful and law abiding members of society.

The below refers to teenage girls only. All were Daddy's girls until one day...

When they turned 13 or so GOD reached down out of the sky and turned on the BITCH switch. I don't know why he does this but I am not alone in believing that he does.

To get thru it just imagine you're living with a totally irrational animal that experiences a full range of emotions at seemingly random times and for no apparent reason. Maintain a low profile, speak softly to the afflicted and let your wife deal with most of the issues. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

At some point around age 18 GOD figures that Dad has suffered enough. He reaches down, turns off the BITCH switch and your loving daughter is back. This transformation from caged beast to rational and reasonabe human being (well - at least as rational and reasonable as a human female can be anyway) doesn't take long - a few weeks to a month or so and all is well.