Questions About Moving to a More Rural Area

[jj1962hemi]

I grew up in a big city, while shooting (when it was still legal there, it’s not anymore) occasionally, and fishing regularly (within an hour’s radius frequently, and Canada every summer). I spend 3-4 days every fall fishing in central Kentucky to this day. I am a well-educated professional, married to an at-home mom with the same background, two kids in college, with both my wife and I having blue collar roots and many old school values. I’m an avid reader, shooter, cook and people person. My wife and kids are avid readers, cooks, and involved in lots of typical interests, although all are less of a social bulldozer (I take a few tries before I accept a “snubbing”) than I am. My favorite past time involves a coffee or beer in my hand, B-S-ing with friends.

That’s a slice of our background. My wife and I have been considering a move to a more rural area in retirement (in 10+ years), with lots of contingencies, the biggest of which are where our kids end up settling down. We recognize that any choice we make can impact where the kids end up too, presuming there are job opportunities nearby.

In searching for a place to live, we have always liked the thought of living near water, living in an area where the community is more of a community than in the suburbs of a big city (people helping each other, etc.), a more relaxed pace, less crime, more room to stretch out, affordable housing, cultural activities nearby (maybe in or near a college town), and of course a place for me to shoot, hike, fish, etc.

None of this will matter to us, if we end up living in a community where we will be viewed as “outsiders” forever. We have family members that took a job transfer to a rural farming community where, after ten years there, including church involvement, PTA, little league, etc., never felt welcome. I don’t know that we have multiple moves in us if this doesn’t work out. I also think that an area near a college or a university, or near a place with some tourism or out-of-state retirees, will have a higher likelihood of satisfying our criteria of friendliness because people in those areas will be more exposed to “outsiders” and better recognize that (this may just be my own worldview talking) people are people, regardless of the funny accent, ancestry, etc.

As I live in a major metro area and have been exposed to more rural areas mainly through my own tourism and through reading, I’d like to open it up to the group here to get your opinions. Are my assumptions correct? Are my concerns overblown? Should I just stick to a hundred mile radius of where I’ve lived for nearly 50 years? If two retired professionals lived down the road from you, didn’t grow up nearby and didn’t understand your community’s history….would you and your friends embrace them?
__________________
JJ

[Tallpine]

Welcome to APS! 

We live in rural Montana, and there are always people moving in and out.  In the ten years since we bought our 40 acre place, all of the neighbors immediately around us have changed one or times so now we are the old timers.  Not much water around here, though - except for the Great Flood of 2011.

Many years ago I sojourned a winter in Northern New Mexico.  Some of those families have been around for 400++ years, long before it was US territory.

I dunno about the rural south ... 

[MillCreek]

I am going to follow this thread with interest, since my wife and I are in a situation and demographic very similar to yours.  We would clearly be looking for such friends as we retire.  We have often pondered a small college town from the social and cultural aspects.  We are Washington natives and will no doubt remain here upon our retirement.  We currently live 25 miles north of Seattle, and have considered places like Mt. Vernon, Bellingham or Lacey; all smaller college towns, as places to retire. My wife will likely want to keep her hand in by turning to substitute teaching after retiring from full-time teaching, and I will continue to do some intermittent consulting after I retire from full-time risk management.

Suffice it to say that I like your thought processes on this.

[slingshot]

Welcome to APS!  This thread started over on THR and I suggested he bring it here as it was closed rather quickly (not sufficiently gun related).  It is a great topic and one that many of us have considered.  I ended up in TN personally because I just like the mix of climate and geography relative to my growing up in PA.

The OP is based in IL (I believe).

[Perd Hapley]

None of this will matter to us, if we end up living in a community where we will be viewed as “outsiders” forever.

Are you sure we can trust this guy? I don't like these new people.

[slingshot]

I think so.  But for the most part, we all judge each other in our political posts more than anything.

[birdman]

I think so.  But for the most part, we all judge each other in our political posts more than anything.

Speak for yourself, I don't judge anyone 

[slingshot]

Fair enough.  But I try not to judge anyone and I certainly don't agree with everything posted in the various threads.  But that is fine with me.  This is America.

[Ben]

Are you sure we can trust this guy? I don't like these new people.

That's what we always say about you in the secret old-timers forum...

[Ex-MA Hole]

Ah, Slingshot, reread Fistful's post....I think you might be missing his attempt at humor.....



 

[vaskidmark]

Howdee!  (/Minnie Pearl voice]

you are going to be "Come Here"s for at least one generation - the deeper South you go the more generations it is going to take to be considered one of the "locals".

That being said, "Come Here"s can fit in very well.  Just do not start doing stuff that is new just because you are trying to copy the behaiors of the local.  They all have practice dealing with armchair cultural anthropologists trying to blend in.  It is far better to, for example, say "I don't go to church" than to be an Episcopalian at the local Baptist church asking when they hold communion.  Be prepared for conversations to abruptly stop when you copme in a room.  They will gossip and tell tales with you, but some subjects are for "insiders" only.  Be prepared to be labled "pushy" and the rest og your family labled "stand-offish".

It is going to require a decision of whether you want a rural home or one tied to the Big City - there is less and less distinction between the suburbs and the Big City, and almost no connection between the suburbs and the rural outback/wilds.  Some folks can go from Farmer John in bib overalls to Bond, James Bond in dinner dress without missing a beat, but they are few and far between.

As a general rule I'd suggest drawing a circle about 50 miles in radius from the center of Big City's suburbs and look at what's outside that circle.  (Of course you will need to do 4 circles for each Big City you are considering living close to.)

stay safe.

[slingshot]

Ah, Slingshot, reread Fistful's post....I think you might be missing his attempt at humor.....

You know, you're right if taken in the context of the quote from the OP's original post.  A smiley would have been helpful.

Added:  That however is exactly what I experienced in Eastern KY when I was in my 20's.  OK,  BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND!

[Lee]

I think I know what you're asking...but I'm sure how to answer it. No matter where you move to, small town or big city, "you still aint from around there". My experience is that you'll fit in anywhere if you make friends with people who have something in common with you - but there's nothing that will compensate for not being from there. If you accept that, and don't tell all the locals how much better your former home was, you'll be fine.
I'm from a rural town, but have lived in several urban areas for the past 30 years. I don't know if I could go back there to retire. It has a lot of appeal in some ways, and sounds exactly like the ideal town that you described, lots of lakes, woods, parks, a college, and within a 2 hour drive of a major city.  Still, It would awhile for me to adjust to the people again.
Best of luck. Let us know what you decide.

[Tallpine]

I don't really like people anyway.  If I could afford to then I would live in the middle of a 30,000 acre ranch at least three miles from anybody

[Lee]

Ideally, I wish I could afford two places, and only stay at each one long enough to give me an appreciation of the other.

 

[Tallpine]

Ideally, I wish I could afford two places, and only stay at each one long enough to give me an appreciation of the other.

 

I don't have any problem with that, except this time of year I wonder why I didn't move to the middle of the desert 

[RoadKingLarry]

you are going to be "Come Here"s for at least one generation - the deeper South you go the more generations it is going to take to be considered one of the "locals. ".

Sometimes it takes more than that. I've got 5 generations of my family buried in a little country cemetery just 10 miles from the town I do business in and some of the locals still consider me to be a recent arrival (I did spend 13 years away after I joined the Navy).

The group that I work with at our farmers market include a couple from Long Island, They're a little sensitive about the "yankee" or "carpet bagger" label. It took them a couple of years to understand that if we didn't like them there wouldn't be any doubt.

[Regolith]

I also think that an area near a college or a university, or near a place with some tourism or out-of-state retirees, will have a higher likelihood of satisfying our criteria of friendliness because people in those areas will be more exposed to “outsiders” and better recognize that (this may just be my own worldview talking) people are people, regardless of the funny accent, ancestry, etc.

There's a bit of irony in this section.

The biggest complaints that country folk have with city folk are when they move in and try and "reform" or change the way that their new neighbors live. Things like moving in next to a pig farm and trying to get it shut down because of the stink, complaining about tractors working the fields because they stir up dust or because of the noise, complaining about hunters during hunting season or people target practicing on their property, etc. Generally, people being people, they will treat you how you treat them. Be a busybody or a nuisance and you will get shunned. Be nice and accommodating and people will generally do the same for you.

[slingshot]

I certainly think relocating to/near a college town is a good recipe for being accepted as the locals have more exposure to a more diverse group of people.  But moving 30 miles away from the same town may put you in the same foreigner catagory.  In rural KY they offen call non-locals "foreigners".  But that was before the influx of so many truly foreign people. Clearly there may be an intolerance there and stereo typing.  If you are nice to everyone and make friends and acquaintances in the area, you will be accepted.  But you will never truly be part of the community because you weren't born there and "don't talk like em". I can live with that.  I think being accepted is enough.

Central KY is a pretty nice area.  Don't know about the hospitals, but I do know that serious cases are flown to either UK (Lexington), Vanderbilt hospital in Nashville, or perhaps Louisville.  You give up something by living in the rural parts of KY, but I think you gain a lot too. You get used to the distances.

When I first moved to Eastern KY, I experienced serious culture shock. At that time, there was one fast food chain restaurant in the town.  I was used to being able to choose between 10 of them every day of the week prior to moving.  But I adjusted slowly.  By the time I left, I really didn't want to leave and loved living there for what was there.  I didn't need 10 fast food restaurants.

[Lee]

I'm a pseudo Kentucky boy. My family settled there when it was part of Virginia. I spent all the holidays and many of my summers there. I feel like I'm home every time I drive across the bridge at Cincinnatti.
Strangely, earlier this week I was daydreaming about the possibility of someday buying my grandparent's old place back. It's possible that my twins might choose to go to school at UK...which is a couple of hours drive from there...so who knows, it could happen.

[Boomhauer]

I grew up in and have always lived in a rural area.

About the fitting in to a community...personally I don't care who you are if you move to my area, so long as you leave me alone for the most part (other than friendly conversation). Keep the noise down, don't wantonly cross onto my property, and just in general keep to yourself and we will get along famously. Got a neighbor like that now and it's good...we keep to ourselves and are fairly happy. You may not "fit in" but do you really give a rat's ass if you aren't a social butterfly?

Second, rural living is not all it's cracked up to be sometimes. There is still crime, sometimes fairly significant crime, and you may have issues with other folk thinking that your land also belongs to them so that they can hunt/ride ATVs on anytime they want. So you will still have to deal with idiots who do not have any concept of respecting personal property. This stuff can get really annoying as hell sometimes.

Personally I advise living far enough out of town that you are away from town life but close enough that it isn't an ardous journey to get to town to get what you need, because you will need to get to town to get what you need when you don't really want to go. A solid hour drive from the city may seem like isolated heaven, until that time you really, really need to get to town at 11:30pm at night and you spend a long ass time going to and from town. At my home, I live 15 mins from a decent size town and an hour to an hour and a half from big cities, yet I'm far enough out that I have 1 neighbor so it's nice country living. Best balance of both. I used to live 45 mins from town and that was aggravating.


When you balance everything out right it's nice living in the country.

[Scout26]

George,

It's nice to see that you're still not mad that I came down there and taught lupinus, Jocasse and you to wear shoes, brush your teeth, and get the broken down cars and appliances out of your front yard.   Glad I could help.

(Also nice to see that you're off that G-dforsaken mountain.  With the lesbian.  In South Carolina.  BTW how did your stalker react to the move?   Do PM me your address, I need to send you your MHI books.) 

[lupinus]

Second, rural living is not all it's cracked up to be sometimes. There is still crime, sometimes fairly significant crime, and you may have issues with other folk thinking that your land also belongs to them so that they can hunt/ride ATVs on anytime they want. So you will still have to deal with idiots who do not have any concept of respecting personal property. This stuff can get really annoying as hell sometimes.

Meth heads and pot growers.

You forget meth heads and pot growers.

[charby]

I grew up in a town of 27k people, if you didn't grow up there it took quite a while to get accepted by the locals, faster if you joined one of the churches or hit the right bar happy hours.

I have lived in two college towns of 35k and 50k, one for college and one for employment. I founf it was easier to meet people by joining a community service group. Where I live now being a member of the Jaycees for 8 years has helped me meet a lot of people in the community. Granted you are probably too old for the Jaycess but look into joining a community service group or fraternal group now, such as the Lions, Elks, Moose or Masons. Being a member already will help with meeting new people when you tranfer your membership to the new town.

I have also lived in two small towns, one of 2k and one of 8k. I hated the 2k one, since I didn't grow up there or have the right last I was the outsider, most the people I got to know and do things with were the community service people in the local men's group I joined. Outside of that group most people wouldn't talk to me at all. Other people that didn't grow up there were generally friendly and it was almost fraternal amoungst the non natives, like we would congerate to each other at the local bar.

Also if you wanted more than just very basic staples, one had to drive 30 miles to the next big town of 10k where there was a Walmart, Kmart, Menards and a Supermarket.

The town of 8k was different, I lived there as a cheaper place to live where I currently work, I had a 17 mile commute to work, but my rent was $250 a month for a 2 bedroom house. About half the town commuted to Ames or Des Moines for a job, so people were pretty friendly and locals were cool because the town had a lot of outsiders. When I got married both of us had jobs in Ames, so it would be silly for both of us to drive 34 miles each everyday to Ames plus this house was really tiny, 650 sq ft. So I moved back to Ames.

I think that a smaller town with a college/university will be easier to move into and get accepted since the town is already accepting of a transient/transplant culture.

Where I would not live is areas that are touristy or taken over recently by wealthy people. The locals alwasy seemed pissed because everything is so expensive.

[GigaBuist]

Not sure where you've looked or exactly what you're looking for but I'll describe my living conditions.

Grew up in a "college" town about 10 miles west of where I live now. I put college in quotes because the locals pretended it wasn't there.  GVSU would be the school.  Town population has exploded since my early days (3k) up to probably 10k now.  Locals have always tried to pretend the college wasn't there, pushing them away as far as possible, and the college folks (students and professors) often deride the town as being full of a bunch of hick farmers.

There's basically no cultural bleed over at all.  Trust me, I went to that college.  So did my wife.  We had totally different experiences mostly because I actually knew the area.  The imports never ventured out much.

Moved away in 2000 to get closer to work, moved back in 2006 10 miles west of my origins into a town of only 2k people.  Mostly because there's a shooting range half a mile from my house plus property taxes are 25% of my home town.  Cornfield out back, neighbor keeps goats and chickens, but I wouldn't call it "rural" exactly.

Go 4 miles east and I've got a Meijer (that's like a WalMart) with all the other businesses that tend to follow along.  Go 15 miles east and I've got Grand Rapids, MI's downtown area.  Go 15 miles west and I'm in my greenhouse/farm surrounded by other farms.  Go 30 miles west and I'm in Lake Michigan.  Go 7 miles north and I've got a paved walking/biking trail that runs to the lake.

Works for me.