We all want to say comforting words to the bereaved. We don't all have glib, golden tongues. Then again, even saying "the right thing" can cause tears.
I could be wrong, but I think on a personal level Trump is possibly a decent human being, and I think it's a certainty that he took the trouble to
call the widow, rather than (or in addition to) sending a form letter, with the intention of paying his respects and offering sympathy. The problem, of course, is trying to figure out what the "right" thing to say is. (See Amy Schumer's comment two posts above.) My brother and sister take the easy way out -- they head to a Hallmark store, buy a sympathy card, sign it, and mail it. Done.
When the deceased is someone close, or married or related to someone close (as when my wife died three years ago), I think that approach is somewhat lacking. I refuse to just buy a card and mail it. If I'm going to send a sympathy card, it's going to be a note that I write, myself, by hand (in cursive), doing my fumbling best to say "the right thing." But I never know if I'm really writing the right words, I have no way of knowing if my words will bring comfort or if the recipient will read my heartfelt condolences and say "WTF?"
I believe Trump did say what he is reported to have said -- that the soldier was where he wanted (or chose) to be. And I think to many -- perhaps even most -- people that would be comforting. I'm sure the guy didn't want to be dead, but he did enlist, and he was with his unit -- which for most soldiers becomes their second (or even first) family. It seems to me to be no different than saying that Dale Earnhardt died doing what he loved -- driving a race car. If someone had said that to Earnhardt's widow (and I'll bet more than one person did), would it have been reported in the press as insulting and disrespectful? I don't think so.
This entire episode is disgraceful. It should be categorized under "No good deed shall go unpunished." Trump tried to reach out to the widow, to say something he hoped would be comforting about someone he didn't know personally and had never heard of before he got the first report on the incident, and instead of giving him credit for at least reaching out -- the anti-Trump liberals are using the widow to hammer Trump.
Shame on them. A pox on their houses.