Can I fix this?

[Hawkmoon]

Yes, it is. If you (meaning most men I know, not you specifically) walk into Ace Hardware and hammers are on sale, buy one, get one free, you'll buy one because you just "saved" the price of a hammer. And because a man can never have too many hammers even if he already has 17 of them in his tool box.
At least, that's how several of my male friends have explained it to me.

It doesn't work that way in the real world. REAL men have one favorite hammer, and that's the one they use. They don't need or want a "spare" hammer because they know they won't ever use it. It won't feel the same, it won't balance the same, it just ... just ... it just ISN'T the same. And if it isn't the same, it must be ... different. And real men don't do "different" when it comes to tools.

Haven't you ever heard the story of the man who owns the hatchet George Washington used to chop down that cherry tree? Since George used it that historic day it's had seven new handles and three new heads ... but it's the same hatchet by golly!

(I almost wrote, "by George." Would anyone have forgiven me?)

[CNYCacher]

I have a brace of 20oz Estwing rip hammers.  They are an extension of my hands.

[MrsSmith]

Imagine the fun if we were all sitting around a table with beverages, cards, and money in the middle.

I KNEW the shoe reference was going to be thrown on the table, so I already went to the closet and counted.
I own exactly:
1 pair boat shoes
1 pair boat flops
1 pair multi-purpose workout shoes (tennis shoes, sneakers, whatever you want to call them)
1 pair dive booties (do those count?)
1 pair Crocs (for garden)
1 pair of shrimper's boots (long story)
1 pair of old Sperry's that don't really work anywhere but they're cute and warm
1 pair winter boots (also made by Sperry but too sexy for the boat) (but they're brown, really need black ones too)
3 pairs low heeled sandals
2 pairs high heeled sandals
1 pair "little-black-dress" strappy sandals (could really use couple more pairs of these)

14 pairs of shoes. I need a new pair of hiking boots, a new pair of cowboy boots to play in and a pair to ride in, more flip flops, and something more ... suitable to wear to shooting competitions that look good with shorts and are easy to move quickly in. So plenty of shoe shopping in my near future!

Mike Irwin - thank you for your concern. No, have managed not to fry myself yet.

Seeker - maybe your wife and mother say that because there's some truth to it? And I agree about the perfection of raw cookie dough, but not after it's been sitting on the dash inside a hot (but not hot enough to cook it) vehicle for an unspecified number of hours!

Balog - can I fix you a cocktail sweetie? We're just having fun here! 

Another hammer quote: when the only tool you have is a hammer, everything begins to resemble a nail. Can't recall who said it but I'm sure one of you will jump in with a name.

CYNCacher - apparently you're spending too much time perusing department store ads and not enough time perusing ads from Ace Hardware, Lowe's, Home Depot, or Harbor Freight.

230RN - sewing machines? Really? That was the best you could come up with? While I own one, it wasn't something I got all giddy about buying. Just FYI for the sake of any future discussions on male/female purchases, we're known for our penchant for purses, accessories of all sorts, make-up and hair care products, and house doo-dads. Just to help ya' out there. :)

Hawkmoon - wouldn't want to be the one at your house who uses the hammer and forgets to return it to it's proper location. I suspect the penalty is severe. By George.

Gentlemen, I finished deadline today and I'm now heading out to play pool, snicker at the karaoke folks, and consume some well-deserved beverages. Y'all have fun this evening too.

[roo_ster]

I could make something up that sounded freakishly plausible.

Please do.

Hmm, I am afraid Art's Grammaw would box my ears, were I to spin a yarn as salty as that one deserves.

[AJ Dual]

I have more kids than hammers.

[Tallpine]

I wouldn't have so many shoes/boots if I didn't keep all the wore out ones thinking maybe that the day would come when they were the best thing I had left.   

One pair of cowboy boots is 95% of what I wear on my feet in the summer, plus my logging boots for fire fighting and a pair of moccasins sometimes around the house.

For the other seasons I have rubber muck boots, sorels, and a pair of redwing insulated hunting boots.

Hammers - let's see I have my good Estwing, a couple of found on road Estwings, a 2lb sledge, and a ball peen, plus a couple splitting mauls, single bit ax and a hatchet that don't really count.  Of course there is the ubiquitous "crescent hammer" 

Come to think of it, most of my guns have hammers 

I could sure use a good stripper - for electric wires, that is 

[Hawkmoon]

I have a brace of 20oz Estwing rip hammers.  They are an extension of my hands.

Me, too -- the originals, with the stacked leather washer handles. After using one of those, ALL other hammers feel awkward and clumsy.

[Hawkmoon]

Hawkmoon - wouldn't want to be the one at your house who uses the hammer and forgets to return it to it's proper location. I suspect the penalty is severe. By George.

Funny you should mention that.

My late mother always maintained we had a friendly poltergeist in the house ... whose name (according to her) was George. So whenever something went AWOL, if the initial search came up empty Mom would always cast her eyes ceiling-ward (I guess George mostly lived in the attic) and recite, "George, please bring back [___]."

And, sure enough, within a short time [___] would be found ... generally in a place at least three people had already searched twice each.

Found ... by George.

[RoadKingLarry]

I have no idea how many hammers I have.
I have little tiny hammers for delicate work on up to a big honking mostly home made sledge hammer that useing it will either make a man out of you or make you wish you were one.
Hammers for carpentry, metal work, stone work, leather work... Just can't have too many hammers

[MrsSmith]

Ok Larry, I have to ask. How do you "home make" a sledge hammer? This sounds like something I might need to know.

Home now from my pool shooting endeavor. Won 3, lost 4. Dammit. But I did sink some pretty good shots in the process. And I kicked that whole right hand english thing I've been told I tend toward. I nailed all of my straight on shots for a change! And won money, which is always good.

Hawkmoon, in my house when the kids were little the culprit was always "I don't know." Who left their wet towel on the bathroom floor? "I don't know." I used to tell the kids that I used all three of their names when I was aggravated about something because I Don't Know had three names and I didn't want anyone to feel left out. Still wouldn't want to be the one who left your sole hammer where it didn't belong.

Tall Pine, sounds like you have more shoes than I do. Either you're going to lose your "man club" status or I'm going to lose my "woman club" status. I'll play you a round of darts for it. Wait - that probably automatically kicks me out of the woman club. Um... I'll bet my steak against yours on the grill. Nope, still out of the woman club. F. Ok, let's just shoot it out. I know I'll win at that and if that gets me kicked out of the woman club then so be it.

AJ, you must have a lot of kids or very few hammers. Either way, I'm sorry for ya' darlin'.

[230RN]

A hammer is anything that's heavier on one end than the other.

Exempli gratia, the "crescent hammer" mentioned above.

If  you're thinking "rock," the "other end" is your elbow.

Me go now.

[MrsSmith]

Excellent point!

I have to admit, I've used shoes, screw drivers (the handle), plyers, meat mallets, a tire iron, on one occasion a book, and a winch handle as hammers when nails needed to be put through something. Then again, I'm a girl and don't have a collection of hammers... but I do make a point of utilizing whatever's at hand for whatever needs to be done. Imagination is a useful thing.

[280plus]

Funny you should mention that.

My late mother always maintained we had a friendly poltergeist in the house ... whose name (according to her) was George. So whenever something went AWOL, if the initial search came up empty Mom would always cast her eyes ceiling-ward (I guess George mostly lived in the attic) and recite, "George, please bring back [___]."

And, sure enough, within a short time [___] would be found ... generally in a place at least three people had already searched twice each.

Found ... by George.

We have Pat the Ghost here. Not sure if I ever told you about Pat but he is responsible for all things that happen but have no help from anyone else. Dishes mysteriously left in the sink? Pat the Ghost did it. 

[Balog]

Haven't been "sweetie'd" in years. Suddenly I'm picturing MrsSmith as my Mom... :D

[MillCreek]

^^^ And that brings up that whole Mrs. Robinson thing.  Although I suppose I am showing my age by remembering that.

[wmenorr67]

Haven't been "sweetie'd" in years. Suddenly I'm picturing MrsSmith as my Mom... :D

And I don't think she is that old.

[Balog]

And I don't think she is that old.

And I don't dislike her, so there's another difference right there. 

[wmenorr67]

And I don't dislike her, so there's another difference right there. 

Not going there......

[Perd Hapley]

You need a hammer for love between your brothers and sisters.

There are so many things wrong with that sentence.  

(And, yes, I do get the reference. )

[RoadKingLarry]

Ok Larry, I have to ask. How do you "home make" a sledge hammer? This sounds like something I might need to know.

A picture is worth 1000 words

It weighs in about 24#

[Hawkmoon]

^^^ And that brings up that whole Mrs. Robinson thing.  Although I suppose I am showing my age by remembering that.

"I have seen the future, and the future is ... plastics."

[Tallpine]

I made an all steel single bit axe one time.  Use powerline tie straps for the handle.

The balance wasn't quite right :(

Still use it to break ice on the horse troubh in the winter.

[MrsSmith]

Balog, glad to know you don't dislike me. I actually do call my two boys "sweetie" when I'm giving advice they don't want to hear or chastising them, to take the sting out of it a little. Such as, "Sweetie, I'm your mama, not one of your buddies, and I don't need to know that you got a lap dance from a 65 year old woman for your 21st birthday. Next time just stick an ice pick in my ear please."

Wmenorr, just went and looked at your profile. We're the same age. No idea how old Balog is but doubt I'm old enough to be his mother.

Mrs. Robinson? No. Hell no.

Larry, the handle appears to be held together with electrical tape. That can't be good. But I wouldn't want to try to swing it regardless. That's what handy friends are for anyway.

[Balog]

I rather think you were taking my commentary a bit more seriously than I was if you felt the need to lessen the sting of your chastisement. 

[KD5NRH]

It doesn't work that way in the real world. REAL men have one favorite hammer, and that's the one they use.

I have lots of hammers because when I need to hit something, I want to hit it now, not after I've gone out to the shed or the garage to get the hammer.