Author Topic: Babylon Bee (Read 85544 times)

WLJ · « **Reply #150 on:** October 31, 2020, 10:09:33 AM »

Quote from: fistful on October 31, 2020, 10:05:25 AM

Is Kubrick still around? They'll need him to fake the new, amphibious moon landing.

Nope, died in 1999

Angel Eyes · « **Reply #151 on:** November 11, 2020, 09:30:14 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/after-wiping-out-half-the-universe-thanos-calls-for-unity

Angel Eyes · « **Reply #152 on:** November 19, 2020, 04:35:35 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-ar-15-glows-blue-when-libs-are-near

Quote

U.S.—An American firearms manufacturer is making waves after unveiling a brand new AR-15 that glows blue whenever libs are nearby. Constructed with ancient elven technology from the forgotten land of Gondolin, this semi-automatic rifle will pulse with an ethereal blue light whenever it detects a democrat within a 100-yard radius.
...
"We are also working on a version for progressives that will glow red whenever there is a racist nearby," said the representative. "Unfortunately that seems to be malfunctioning because it only seems to glow around progressives. We're still working on it."

WLJ · « **Reply #153 on:** November 19, 2020, 04:37:45 PM »

How many rounds would it take to make the barrel glow blue?

WLJ · « **Reply #154 on:** December 10, 2020, 11:29:56 AM »

Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15
https://babylonbee.com/news/to-celebrate-move-to-texas-tesla-introduces-battery-powered-ar-15

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"We really wanted to re-think self-defense," said Musk. "This new firearm will be the go-to rifle for our SpaceX volunteers when they encounter hostile aliens. It's also a celebration of the Second Amendment. If any federal authorities try to confiscate it, the rifle will automatically connect to the internet and file a lawsuit for you!"

Comment on TTAG

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After the bullet passes the sighted distance, the bullet comes back and reinsert itself down the barrel, and into a preloaded chamber ready to be fired again.
(It’s why the one bullet you have to buy is $4,800.)

https://www.thetruthaboutguns.com/no-the-tesla-ar-15-isnt-real-but-dont-you-wish-it-was/

MechAg94 · « **Reply #155 on:** December 10, 2020, 12:31:33 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-to-defeat-skin-cancer-by-ordering-americans-to-wear-sunscreen-for-100-days
Biden To Defeat Skin Cancer By Ordering Americans To Avoid All Sunlight For 100 Days

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According to sources, Biden's executive order will require all Americans to draw the shades on their windows and live in the basement under at least 3 blankets until 100 days have passed. Additionally, all references to sunshine, such as the song "You Are My Sunshine" and crayon drawings of the Sun in children's art will be strictly prohibited. Experts say this will "do something really scientific to save lives."

Quote

The Biden administration and other politicians will be given waivers to enjoy the sunshine outside since the stresses of their political positions require time to rest and relax.

MechAg94 · « **Reply #156 on:** December 10, 2020, 12:33:16 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/in-its-a-wonderful-life-remake-angel-tells-george-bailey-to-go-kill-himself-because-hes-white
In 'It's A Wonderful Life' Remake, Angel Tells George Bailey To Kill Himself Because He's White

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The film will be only 20 minutes long and it will end with George Bailey asking forgiveness for his oppression. He then donates all his life insurance money to BLM and jumps off a bridge.

Ben · « **Reply #157 on:** December 19, 2020, 12:34:41 PM »

Babylon Bee guide to MSM reporting:

Angel Eyes · « **Reply #158 on:** December 19, 2020, 11:37:36 PM »

Not sure if this goes here or in the Portland thread:

https://babylonbee.com/news/portland-overtakes-mos-eisley-as-most-wretched-hive-of-scum-and-villainy

Jim147 · « **Reply #159 on:** December 20, 2020, 12:22:57 AM »

But who shot first?

kgbsquirrel · « **Reply #160 on:** December 20, 2020, 06:58:28 AM »

Quote from: Jim147 on December 20, 2020, 12:22:57 AM

But who shot first?

Han shot. The end. No first or second. Han waxed Greedo like an antihero bawss.

Angel Eyes · « **Reply #161 on:** December 20, 2020, 10:29:08 AM »

Quote from: kgbsquirrel on December 20, 2020, 06:58:28 AM

Han shot. The end. No first or second. Han waxed Greedo like an antihero bawss.

https://youtu.be/IK_iw5Yps2M?t=306 (and f*** you George Lucas)

Han isn't the only one who shoots first:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP9eiXMPLcQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkr0bwV5YWE

https://youtu.be/JrYtD7gSWsI?t=40

MechAg94 · « **Reply #162 on:** December 20, 2020, 02:54:34 PM »

MechAg94 · « **Reply #163 on:** December 20, 2020, 03:00:50 PM »

Quote from: Angel Eyes on December 20, 2020, 10:29:08 AM

https://youtu.be/IK_iw5Yps2M?t=306 (and f*** you George Lucas)

Han isn't the only one who shoots first:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP9eiXMPLcQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkr0bwV5YWE

https://youtu.be/JrYtD7gSWsI?t=40

That Firefly scene was one of the two scenes that had me loving that series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPRlHwwVIug
Here is the other one.

MechAg94 · « **Reply #164 on:** January 05, 2021, 03:54:22 PM »

Dire Report Warns Hospitals Are Filled To Capacity With Dancing TikTok Nurses
https://babylonbee.com/news/dire-report-warns-hospitals-are-filled-to-capacity-with-dancing-tiktok-nurses

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Some hospitals are only 95% full of dancing nurses, but all the remaining space is being used for nurses to take judgmental glaring selfies telling people to "stay the f#$% home."

MechAg94 · « **Reply #165 on:** January 05, 2021, 03:55:05 PM »

Man Driving Alone In Carpool Lane Informs Officer His Preferred Pronoun Is 'They'
https://babylonbee.com/news/driver-allowed-access-to-carpool-lane-since-preferred-pronoun-is-they

Angel Eyes · « **Reply #166 on:** February 13, 2021, 08:06:22 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/conservative-liberal-clock-in-hurl-cliches-at-each-other-on-twitter-clock-out

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #167 on:** February 19, 2021, 10:22:36 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/video/30

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New Disney Movie Tells Feminist Origin Story Of Xenomorph Queen

WLJ · « **Reply #168 on:** April 19, 2021, 09:12:26 AM »

Didn't know whether to post this here or in the Dr. Seuss thread

Seuss Enterprises threatens to sue The Babylon Bee over satirical article on the Cat In The Hat and puberty blockers
https://twitchy.com/gregp-3534/2021/04/19/seuss-enterprises-threatens-to-sue-the-babylon-bee-over-satirical-article-on-the-cat-in-the-hat-and-puberty-blockers/

MechAg94 · « **Reply #169 on:** April 19, 2021, 09:40:41 AM »

Quote from: Perd Hapley on February 19, 2021, 10:22:36 PM

https://babylonbee.com/video/30

I must have missed this. There is a great deal of truth here. After all they seem to be trying to turn Cruella De Vil into sympathetic character through a prequel movie. I guess she was just trying to save a bunch of Dalmatian puppies from a life of hardship and starvation. Their writers and idea people are pathetic.

WLJ · « **Reply #170 on:** April 19, 2021, 09:43:50 AM »

Quote from: MechAg94 on April 19, 2021, 09:40:41 AM

I must have missed this. There is a great deal of truth here. After all they seem to be trying to turn Cruella De Vil into sympathetic character through a prequel movie. I guess she was just trying to save a bunch of Dalmatian puppies from a life of hardship and starvation. Their writers and idea people are pathetic.

Well the puppies were white

MechAg94 · « **Reply #171 on:** April 19, 2021, 09:45:06 AM »

Quote from: WLJ on April 19, 2021, 09:43:50 AM

Well the puppies were white

Yes, they were white with black spots. If they were black with white spots, everything would be okay.

WLJ · « **Reply #172 on:** April 19, 2021, 10:15:29 AM »

Quote from: MechAg94 on April 19, 2021, 09:45:06 AM

Yes, they were white with black spots. If they were black with white spots, everything would be okay.

If I recall correctly in the live action movie she's shocked and disappointed that the puppies are all white when she first sees them and then it's explained to her that they're born all white and that the spots come later.

zahc · « **Reply #173 on:** April 19, 2021, 10:41:21 PM »

Quote from: WLJ on April 19, 2021, 10:15:29 AM

If I recall correctly in the live action movie she's shocked and disappointed that the puppies are all white when she first sees them and then it's explained to her that they're born all white and that the spots come later.

It's the same in the original. I've never seen the live action remake or any other disgraceful attempts to recapitalize on the less-sucky eras of disney movies.

Angel Eyes · « **Reply #174 on:** May 04, 2021, 06:00:05 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/23-of-galaxy-believes-they-are-more-unified-since-palpatine-became-emperor

News:

Author Topic: Babylon Bee (Read 85544 times)